shameless_duo

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 08:59:11 GMT

Beware: Emo-ness ahead. Includes Harry's refusal of toast, pyjamas, and a deserted Hogwarts. Sa-weet.

Harry's heart pounds hard in his chest, and it's the only thing the he can hear or feel. Everything else is muted, numb: the growl of his always-empty stomach, the scratch of his bed sheets, the sting of his eyes. He just exists now. Empty.

He lays in his old bed, all red and gold, with the curtains open despite the freezing cold outside. Harry expects to turn around and see Seamus, or Dean, or Ron. But there's no one there anymore. The castle has been empty for weeks now, months.

Harry turns over, facing Ron's old bed. His heart aches but he ignores it, gritting his teeth against his numbing hands and nose, curling into himself. There's nothing he can do about it now, nothing he wants to do. He doesn't want to accept or deny Ron's being gone. He just lets it hang over him, freezing cold and heavy.
Hermione makes her way through the deserted Common room, wrapping her robes tighter around her against the chill. She keeps her eyes on the ground, trying not to see the chessboard or the empty fire or the couch where only eight days ago she had sat with Ron's arms wrapped tightly around her, instead concentrating on each tile as she makes her way to the stairs leading up to the boys’ dorm. She climbs the stairs, trying not to remember Christmas mornings spent darting up the stairs eager to see the look on Harry and Ron's faces as she bestowed her gifts. She pauses outside the door, shivering and taking a deep breath before pushing the door open. She doesn't bother knocking first, knowing that it's only Harry. It's only Harry and her now.

"Harry," she says, walking over to him but being careful to avoid Ron's empty bed. She edges the stone floor, almost as if she's afraid of getting too close. She sits on the corner of Harry's bed and pulls out some cold toast. "Here," she says blankly, holding the triangles out to him. "I brought you this."

Harry didn't turn to look at her. He just took sharp, shallow breaths, icy and cold. "I'm not hungry, Hermione." It was the first time he'd talked all day, and his voice came out hoarse and soft. He was sick of this.

It almost seemed as if Hermione didn't hear him, as she continued to hold the toast out to him for a long moment after he said he didn't want it. She had followed Harry's gaze and was staring at Ron's empty bed.

Something in her eyes hardened and she pressed her lips into a thin line. "Take it, Harry," she said, her voice taut with emotion as she jerked her hand towards him again, sprinkling his covers with cold breadcrumbs. "You have to eat something."

He sat up, the bed creaking underneath, and finally met her eyes. She was paler than she'd ever been, bruises streaked thick and dark under her eyes like paint. Her collarbone jutted out, sharp and cold like a knife from the neckline of her jumper. Harry's mouth ran dry.

"I'm not hungry," Harry said, his eyes burning as he looked at her, examined her. She was weak and small, like a bird that had been caged for too long. She'd lost her wings long ago.

She stared at him for a moment, hating the blankness that she saw in his eyes. She wanted to throw the toast at his chest, marking his pajamas with a butter stain. She wanted to call him selfish. She wanted to see any kind of color spread across his pale cheeks even if it was a result of anger. For just one moment she wanted the old Harry back.

Ron had always known how to get a rise out of Harry, Hermione thought bitterly to herself. He always knew the right jab to put Harry into motion. They were boys. They pushed one another, all testosterone and competition and she just stood on the sidelines and shook her head, always, always trying to remain neutral. She was Switzerland. Cold and impartial.

She sighed and tossed the toast at his lap, though it didn't have any of the force behind it that it should have if she really wanted a reaction. She was going through the motions. They both knew it. "Harry, please," she said, hating the way her voice sounded so small and weak.

"What's the point, Hermione?" He asked her, watching her jumper collar dip and rise with her breaths. Harry was surprised he couldn't see their breath, puffy and white, couldn't watch it float to the ceiling and disappear. "How would it make a difference, if I eat or not? It'll all be the same, Hermione. You can't change what's happened by making me eat, taking care of me. He'll still be gone."

He was asking for everything, right now, grasping at straws. He was cupping water in his hands, watching it flow through his fingers. Harry was watching everything disappear and trying to not care. Trying to not feel.

Hermione felt her cheeks warm as she curled her hands up into fists. She wanted to slap him. Knock that cross between a grimace and a sneer off his face and shake him. She wished she were bigger, stronger.

"What does it matter?" she asked, staring hard at him. "What does it matter?" Her hand shot out and she shoved him hard. "What do you want me to say Harry? That it's okay to just give up? That I'll just walk away and let you throw everything away? That his death meant absolutely nothing? Is that what you want me to say?"

"I can't do it anymore..." He said, his face close to hers, her eyes shimmering with angry tears. His breath was coming in short gasps, and he had to remind himself to inhale, exhale, inhale. "I just can't, Hermione. It's over. It's all over and I don't care. This has happened too many times. I've grieved too many times. Mum and Dad, Sirius, Dumbledore, Hagrid, Charlie, Neville, Ron... It's too much. I can't be brave anymore."

He crumpled his hands into fists, leaving them defeated in his lap. He was small again, like he was when he was ten and alone. Tissue paper thin and pale, hard angles and blurry eyes. "It's over."

She reached out and put her hands over his, squeezing them tightly as she shut her own tired eyes and leaned towards him. "It's not over," she said, determination in her voice. "Harry you are going to finish this. Walking away isn't an option. You're not going to walk away from me." Her voice wavered and her mouth trembled because this was exactly what she thought he was going to do.

Her breath was hot on his neck and Harry didn't cry because he couldn't anymore. "I don't want to, Hermione," Harry hated himself for not being able to keep going, for not being able to finish what they'd all been working on for months now.

He was being stupid and a coward and he knew it, but had no desire to change now. This was it. This was how it was going to be. Harry was not Harry anymore and he knew it but leaned in to kiss her anyway. Because he had to feel something.

He pressed his lips against hers and they were hot like a fever, her eyes open and gaze burning into his face. He was too drunk with grief to be embarrassed, or to pull away. He stayed frozen against her lips, his hands still crumpled in his lap.

She pulled away from him; though her hands remained anchored to his hands in his lap. She stared at him blankly, her mind trying to understand what had just happened.

And then she closed the distance between them, cupping his face in her cold hand and pressing her lips against his. "Then don't," she said, a tear sliding down her face.

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 08:52:51 GMT

This one starts immeadiately after the last one. Includes evil!hamsters, tinge of Ron/Hermione, collarbones, and awkwardness. Ah yes.

"No, Ginny, you don't understand," Harry said, fiercer than he'd meant to, and shook his head. He pressed his fingertips to his eyelids, determined not too look at her, stick-thin and frail and too stubborn to "You just don't, alright?" He whispered. "Do you realize that this is it? This is war. This is Voldemort's-" She didn't flinch, Harry would've smiled about that otherwise, "-final battle. D'you know how much it would kill me to see you..." Harry swallowed, hard, trying to unblock the lump in his throat. "I'd die if the Dark Mark was over the Burrow, or if I knew I was the cause of it. We just have to wait until this is over, Ginny, and then maybe it'll work. Just not now."

She gave a short laugh thought it was obvious she didn't find the situation funny at all by the intense look she was giving him. "So I'm supposed to just accept that?" Ginny asked. "Just like that. I'm supposed to tell you it's alright. That I'll wait for you. That I'm not going to spend every moment of every day wondering if you're alright? What makes you think that I can wait Harry? What makes you think that my wanting to fight along side you is any weaker than your wanting to protect me and my family? Don't you understand? I don't have a choice in this either."

Harry was briefly caught off-guard by memories of Aunt Petunia watching old war movies: perfumed letters; sailors running back onto land, taking girls up in their arms; flag-draped coffins. He wondered if that's what it was really like, in the wizarding world, or even if he wanted it to be like that. Romantic. Heroic. Like seeing a war through rose-colored glasses.

Harry looked at her, ran his fingers over her collarbone, "Would you go if we hadn't have been together?"

She tried not to shiver as his fingers ran over her skin. She clenched her jaw balled up her fists at her sides. "No," she whispered through gritted teeth. She didn't know if she wanted to cry or punch him. "No, I'd still be here. You know that." But she found himself looking up at him and trying to determine whether this was true or not. How could he possibly not know that?

He let his fingertips trail over the fine gold chain that hung around her neck, not looking into her eyes. Her skin was pale and sparked with freckles, she felt warm to the touch. "Ginny..." he said, sighing, "You can't. You just can't. There's no way around it, and obviously, there's no way I can convince otherwise, but you just can't. Hogwarts is where you need to be. I'm not going to let you come with us."

She slapped his hand away from her roughly and took a step away from him. Scrambling to put any distance she could between them. She wanted to scream at him that he was no different from her brothers. She stared at his chest. "Well, I suppose It's decided then," she said, her voice flat. "Goodbye, Harry." She turned and walked towards the door, picking up her trunk on the way.

Harry slumped onto the railing, his mind reeling as he watched her go, "Bye," he said, wondering if she'd even heard it. He could hear Mrs. Weasley sigh with relief, even from upstairs.

He'd made the right decision. He was sure of it. Harry turned and got his bag of clothes and things, already packed. He slung it over his shoulder and headed back to Ron of Hermione.

He had to have made the right decision.

Ron looked up as Harry entered the room looking particularly glum. He offered him a sympathetic frown as he zipped up his own bag of supplies. "She's not taking it well, is she?"

Harry snorted, "Would you?" He shook his head, as if he were trying to erase all doubts from it. "Ready?"

Hermione closed her book, dust flying up into her face, catching in her eyelashes. She rubbed at them and placed it back onto the teetering tower. "Yes, I suppose. Don't really know which of these to take, though. I mean, we'll have to know quite a bit about Voldemort past, right? And it's not like we can ask Dumbledore anymore..." Hermione chose not to look at Harry at this point, instead tying up her hair in a ribbon.

shot Hermione a look that clearly indicated that he couldn't believe she'd just said that. "Just take the ones you think we'll need," he said, grabbing the ones near her hands and stuffing him in his bag. "We'll figure it out."

"We can't just figure it out, Ron..." Hermione started, but closed her mouth when she caught Harry's eye. She guessed he wasn't in the mood for Ron and her bickering. "Fine. We'll just Figure It Out," she said pointedly, shoving more books into her bag. "We'll have to take all of them."

Harry rolled his eyes, shoving more books into his bag, "Can't you Transfigure these into something smaller?" He tried, but The Dark Mark: The Legacy of Death Eaters ended up as a hamster with text instead of fur. It blinked up at him for several moments before baring its teeth.

"I am not carrying that," Ron said, watching the hamster out of the corner of his eye. "Hermione, haven't you read all of these at least a million times? You don't know which might have a better shot at actually being the one we need?" He reached out for his bag only to narrowly miss being bit in the finger by the hamster. "And fix this, will you?"

Harry laughed. It tumbled out of his throat like a landslide, and even he was surprised by it. He could feel his best friends' eyes on him, watching him. Ron didn't even notice the book-hamster snarling and latching itself onto his left index finger.

Ron couldn't help but stare at Harry. The sound of his best friend's laughter wasn't exactly something that he'd heard often of late. He took a moment to marvel at the sound of it before realizing that the hamster was trying to know his finger off. "Gerroff!"

Hermione couldn't help but smile as she Transfigured the hamster back into a book. It landed with a thud on the tabletop, giving a little shiver and a squeak before it stilled. Ron was angrily holding his fingertip as Mr. Weasley came in, looking quite flustered. "Well, come out and say goodbye to Ginny before you all Apparate off." He gave Harry a significant look before leaving the kitchen.

Ron sighed, glancing sideways at Harry before he led the way down the stairs and out the front door. Molly was telling Ginny something as he came up on them but he couldn't quite make it out. Ginny didn't seem to be paying attention and ignored her when she kissed her on the forehead and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "Alright, Ginny?" Ron asked, feeling an odd twinge of guilt in his stomach.

"Alright, Ron," Ginny said. She wasn't sure what possessed her to step forward and give him a hug, but she did. She felt his back stiffen in surprise and had almost pulled away before he could hug her back. "Be careful."

Harry stood there, stuffing his hands in his pockets against the not-yet-cold September breeze. He felt awkward and new, buried under the worried gaze of Hermione and pointed one of Ginny. Harry felt as if he'd never belonged here, even though every single summer since he was eleven had shown him otherwise.

"Be sure to keep things in order now, Ginny," Hermione said, a frown tugging at her lips as Ron and Ginny parted, "You're a Prefect now. It's up to you." There was a burn in her chest, buried deep in her ribcage that twinged when she thought of never setting foot in Hogwarts again. She ignored it, blinking more than usual, pulling Ginny into a hug. "Tell everyone hello, alright?"

Ginny tried to hold a grudge against Hermione, having expected her to somehow understand the importance of her needing to go with them, but every thought of vengeance that had crossed her mind vanished when she hugged her. "I will," she said into Hermione's mane of frazzled hair. "Take care of them," she whispered into her ear.

"I will," Hermione said, and her voice broke on it, trying not to cry. She didn't want to make this seem like goodbye, like it was forever. She held onto the only girl she'd ever known as a friend, and tried to pretend that she'd see her everyday.

Harry stood staring at his shoes, not quite knowing what to do. He wasn't sure if he should touch her, hug her, look at her. He heard her and Hermione hug, break apart. He felt her stare at him, as if she were waiting for him to make the move.

She waited for him to make the first move but when none was worth standing she stepped forward and kissed him on the cheek. "Bye, Harry," she said, not looking at him, but rather focusing on the ground east of his sneakers.

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 08:41:13 GMT

Forgive Sam and I for this, but we just had to do some Harry/Ginny. I mean, c'mon, it's canon. This involves a stack of books, ointment, Horcru's, and unauthorized snogging. Huzzah.

Ginny walked down the hall, her white cotton gown trailing behind her. Last summer she'd filled it out nicely, perhaps not as nicely as Fleur had filled out hers, but even she had noticed that she was changing. This summer, it hung loosely on her a testimony to the weight that she'd lost over the past couple of weeks. Her appetite had disappeared along with the idea that she was ever going to have a normal sixth year with the events of last term. She stepped down the stairs leading to the kitchen and sighed when the vision of a half eaten wedding cake came into view. She still couldn't believe Bill was married to Phlegm. She shook her head and reached out a thin finger for a bit of frosting.

"Oh, sorry, didn't know you were in here..." Harry mumbled out, his hands knotted together in front of him. He met Ginny's eyes for a second before he turned his head, blood rushing to his face. He wished that things weren't so awkward between them, wished that the easy happiness that occupied the space between them last summer could return as easily as it had left. But things weren't the same now, and would never be the same again.

He coughed to clear his throat, trying to ignore the happy conversations going on outside, "I'll just be going, then."

"No, don't," she said, trying to fight down her own instinct to run. She offered him a small smile. "I mean, I didn't mean to scare you off." She let out a shaky breath, dropping her hand to her side and shifting her weight on her left foot. She searched her mind for something to say, not wanting him to leave. She hated the feeling that they couldn't even be in the same room anymore without both feeling so uncomfortable. She'd tried not to think about how they'd passed the time only a few months ago in one another's embrace. But the harder she tried to block out the feel of his lips against hers, or the smiles he'd seemed to have just for her the more that she felt like closing the distance between them and telling him that she didn't care what he said, she wanted to be with him. Always. She pulled a chair out abruptly and sat down, hoping that the table between them would be enough to keep her at bay. "You're up early," she said, looking out the window. "Or maybe I'm up late."

"Nobody wanted to wake you," Harry shrugged. "You mum said you hadn't been sleeping well lately, so seemed okay to let you sleep while you could."

He continued to stand, biting his lip and avoiding her gaze. He chose to star at the crumbs on the table. He heard her shift in her chair, and looked to see her adjust the straps on her dress. She was so thin her collarbone jutted out, sharp and pale, spotted with copper freckles.

He wanted to bite his tongue to stop himself from saying it, but it seemed impossible, "Are you okay, Ginny? You... You don't look..." He trailed off, feeling stupid and foolish. He ran a hand through his hair, making it stick up on end. "Sorry."

She gave him a smile, hoping that somehow she could elicit one in return. "Yeah, well it's a lot easier now that Phlegm is gone. She snores like a dragon with a cold. I hope Bill realized what he was getting into."
"I'm fine," she said a little too brightly. Realizing the fakeness in her voice was obvious she sighed. She reached out and picked up the crumbs, sprinkling them onto the plate they'd fallen off of. "I will be fine," she amended, not meeting his eyes. "Just, a lot to think about." She realized that this was the first time they'd been alone together in a very long time and felt something like goosebumps break out over her arms. How long had she been waiting to get him alone? Tell him everything she'd been rehearsing in her head for weeks. Everything she'd been too shocked to say that day at Dumbledore's funeral. "Harry...." she said, looking up at him and sitting up in her chair. Her strap slid off her shoulder and she pulled it up impatiently. "Harry, I..."

"Well, look who's decided to join us," Ron said, stepping through the back door. "It's about time you got up." He sat down directly across from Ginny, blocking her view of Harry and began helping himself to some wedding cake.

Hermione nearly tripped down the rickety stairs of the Burrow. She was holding what should have been at least three armfuls of books, but had managed to stack them so they towered well over her head as she made her way, dangerously to the table.

"Look! My mum and dad have sent all my books on the Dark Arts from home when I told them I wouldn't be back for a while..." She set them all down on the table with such force that Ron's plate jumped in the air a little. The table began to sag under the weight of them all. "Now we can research about the last of the Horcru--" She stopped abruptly when she saw Ginny sitting there.

Hermione cleared her throat and began to busy herself with straightening her books, trying to make it seem as if she'd never said anything at all. "Ron, you're not honestly eating more cake, are you? You'll be sick anytime now, you know."

"Hrmphine! Yourebraktble!" Ron said though a mouthful of wedding cake. Crumbs fell onto his t-shirt and pants, but he didn't bother to wipe them away as he shoveled another forkful of cake in his mouth.

"Horcru?" Ginny asked, reaching out and picking up a book that had fallen off of Hermione's stack. "What's that?"

Ron swallowed loudly, pushing the plate away from him. "Nothing important," he said, giving Hermione a sideways glance.

Ginny's eyes narrowed. "I wasn't talking to you, was I?" She turned herself towards Hermione. "Hermione, what's a Horcru?"

"A disease Ron got from Lavender Brown... Horrid, really, but not irreversible. We've gotten most of it cleared up," Hermione said, not looking as she sat and opened a book, burying her face in it.

Harry snorted back laughter.

Ron's face turned a bright shade of red. "Hermione!"

Ginny laughed, catching Harry's amused look out of the corner of her eye. "Well, I'm not surprised, Ron. The way the two of you were always all over one another I wouldn't be surprised that you don't have something worse."

Ron said nothing, instead wordlessly picking up his plate as noisily as he could and taking it to the sink. Ginny smiled to herself and stretched the book she had in her hands out to Hermione. She paused a moment before pulling the book back towards her. "But why would you need Dark Art books to research it? Is it serious?"

"Oh yeah," Ron said, striding forward and taking the book from her. "Real deadly. Look, despite what the two of you seem to think she's not a dementor, she's just a girl who happened to not be able to get enough of me. Not that...I'm sorry we've broken up," he said quickly, placing the book on top of Hermione's stack.

"But..." Ginny said, meeting Harry's eyes.

"Just drop it, Ginny," Ron said, looking a bit guilty as he resumed his seat. "I don't want to talk about it." He glanced over at Hermione then closed his eyes almost as if it was painful to say. "I mean...the ointments are horrible as it is."

Harry groaned and hid his face in his hands, "I just hope you haven't given it to Hermione..."

Hermione let out a little gasp of horror and turned bright red, "Harry! You know that there is no..." Her mouth was in a very tight line as she pushed his shoulder, harder than he'd expected. "You..."

Hermione hid her face in her book again, only her bushy hair showing. Harry smiled and caught Ginny's eye.

Ron's eyes snapped open in surprise, and a large smile spread over his face. He gave Harry a grateful punch on the shoulder before picking up a book and thumbing through the index.

Ginny laughed, shaking her head and glancing out the window at Molly and Arthur who were talking as they took down the decorations from the day before. Molly laughed at something Arthur said and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders before moving to the next row of fairy lights.

She smiled, her gaze drifting back towards the other teenagers in the room. "Well," she said, pushing her chair back. "I guess I should go get dressed and leave you three to research how to defeat Voldemort on your own, as it's obvious you don't need my help."

"Ginny," Ron said, bringing the book down so he could look at her.

"Come on, Ron, if Harry can say it, I can," Ginny said, rolling her eyes before heading up the stairs so quickly no one else could say anything else.

Harry sighed, watching Ginny go up the stairs, the hem of her dress disappearing out of sight. "Ron, is she okay? She seems... worn, or something."

He shook his head, trying to clear it of anything not entirely platonic about her. It was not going to work out, it never would. But Harry couldn't help thinking about the curve of her lower lip; the way her eyelashes, darker than the rest of her hair, swept against her cheeks when she sighed; how he used to make her laugh; how he used to run her hands through her hair...

Hermione smirked over at him, finally putting her book down. "You know, you're not fooling anyone, Harry. You can't keep looking at her like that and expect her not to be angry... She's peeved, Harry, she doesn't understand. I wouldn't either, if I were in her situation."

Harry just shook his head again, rubbing his eyes behind his glasses.

"She'll be alright," Ron said, still looking at the stairs. He turned to face Hermione as she spoke, a frown curving downwards at the corner of his lips. "Harry's doing the right thing, Hermione. There's no reason for him to make her a target if he doesn't have to. I don't know why she can't just understand that it's for her own good. “He sighed and looked up at Harry. "She's just too stubborn, that's all."

"I know..." Harry picked a book off the towering stack Hermione had brought to the table. "Look, I - I think I'm going to go to Godric's Hollow soon. Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Ron asked, a little surprised at the suddenness of the trip. Of course he knew it was coming, but a part of him had wanted to put off this stage of things as long as he could. All summer he'd kept telling himself that Harry was safe until after the wedding, and now that the wedding was over and everyone was going their separate ways he'd simply been in denial for the last twelve hours. The realization that everything was going to change now hit him suddenly and hard, leaving him almost breathless. "The Hogwart's Express is leaving tomorrow," he said, his voice blank. He thought about how empty Hogwarts was going to be without Dumbledore there and sighed. He looked up at Harry who hadn't taken his eyes off the book. "We can leave as soon as we see Ginny off."

"You don't have to go..." Harry said, keeping his eyes on the book, "You could go back to school. Graduate."

Hermione let out a small little sigh, and whether it was about missing her last and final year at Hogwarts or how they'd had this conversation hundred of times since school had gotten out, Harry did not know. "Harry..." she said, but trailed off. She tucked her unruly hair behind her ears. The late summer humidity had puffed it up even more than usual. "You know we can't leave you alone. We're going and that's that."

"Yeah, mate," Ron said, reaching up and patting him on the shoulder. "Besides, who needs to graduate anyway? Look at Fred and George. If things keep going the way they're going for them they'll be the first rich Weasleys in history." He offered him a small smile before grabbing another book and thumbing through the index. "Did you know Horace the Horrible is responsible for herpes?"

Harry blinked, "Really? I wouldn't have thought he'd gotten any." Harry cracked a smile as Hermione huffed and mumbled something about boys and disgusting minds.

Ginny listened silently at the top of the stairs, a part of her aching to join in on the laughter, and another part of her furious that once again she was being left behind. It was always the same story, her on the outside looking in. Harry farther than ever out of her reach. She wanted to run down the stairs and scream at them. Didn't they realize she wasn't a little girl anymore? Twice she'd fought by their side, proved that she'd do anything for Harry and yet it still didn't matter. She shook her head and turned away from the sound of their talking as she made her way to her room. Well, if they thought she was just going to give up, they were mistaken.

* * * * *

Molly was close to tears as she fixed breakfast the next morning. Even though she claimed to understand Ron and Harry's reasons for not returning to school she was heartbroken that Ron wouldn't be returning and finishing his education. Ron scarfed down his breakfast, avoiding her eyes and wishing that they could just get going. Anything was better than the sound of his mother's sniffles as she fried up another bit of bacon.

He glanced at Ginny across the table, noticing that she'd barely touched her breakfast. "You'd better eat, Ginny," he said. "I'm guessing the food trolley might be empty early with all the extra security along for the ride."

Ginny looked up at him, startled as if he'd interrupted her. "Oh, it's okay," she said. "I'm not going."

Harry choked on his porridge. So much so, that Hermione had to her wand at him and use an unblocking spell. He took several deep gulps of bacon-scented air before the room swam back into focus.

"Wh-What?" he asked, glancing over at her, trying to appear cool and composed even after the porridge incident. There were spots of color high on her cheekbones, her expression determined. He turned away from Ginny, suddenly feeling sick. He hoped he wasn't the cause of all of this.

"What are you going to do besides go to school? You're too young to join the Order, Ginny... You never even took your OWL exams," Hermione said, looking up from her book, as always. "You're not of age."

"GINERVA WEASLEY!" a harassed looking Mrs. Weasley said, whipping the frying pan around so quickly that she narrowly missed whacking Ron in the back of the head with it. "Don't you dare think for a moment that you're not..."

Ginny clenched her jaw and shook her head, her long red hair bouncing against her shirt. "I'm not going."

"YES YOU ARE!" her mother said.

"No," Ginny said, calmly. "I'm not."

"Ginny," Ron said, feeling very uncomfortable that he was the only body between his mum and his sister at the moment. "I know you want to help but..."

"But what?" Ginny asked, anger and annoyance crossing her face. "I'm too young? I'm too stupid? I'm not good enough?"

"No, it's just..."

She looked up at her mother. "Why is it alright for Ron and Hermione to go and not me? Do you think I care about what happens any less than they do? Do you honestly think I'm going to be able to concentrate at school constantly worrying if my friends, my family is alright?" She pointed at the clock perched momentarily on top of the ice box. "Mum, that clock hasn't changed positions in over a year. No matter where I'm at, I'm going to be in danger. You know just as well as I do that Hogwarts won't be any safer than anywhere else. Not without Dumbledore there."

Harry suddenly felt ice replace his blood at the mention of Dumbledore. Everyone seemed to stop talking about him as soon as they set foot in the Burrow. It was a touchy subject, and he should've known only Ginny was brave enough to mention it. Dumbledore's death, like Sirius', had become a taboo subject over the summer. Reduced to whispered conversations cut off as soon as he entered the room, curious glances at him, pats on the back from Arthur and hugs from Molly. Harry was sick of it. Sick of people pretending he was broken. This wasn't the time.

Harry met her eyes over the table. He noticed how they were narrowed slightly, almost as if she were challenging him to speak against her, the brown in them darker than usual. Harry took a deep breath, "You're not coming with us, if that's what you're thinking. I won't let you."

He felt Hermione nod heartily at his side. "He's right, Ginny. It's too dangerous."

His words stung, and she clenched her hands at her sides, pressing the tips of her nails into the palms of her hands in anger. Her mother was yelling something about how important education was and how she was going to firetalk to her father right that instant, but she paid no attention to them. Instead she stared intently at Harry, feeling the color creep into her cheeks. "You can't stop me," she said, her voice unnaturally calm to her own ears. "You can try, if you want. But I'm going with you."

"No, you're not. Ginny, come on, you're upsetting mum." Ron got to his feet and put a hand on Ginny's shoulder, but she shrugged it off.

"Why," she said, her voice shaking slightly. "Why is okay for them to go with you and not me? If Hermione or Ron get hurt is it honestly going to make you feel better that it wasn't me? I know you're just trying to make sure I don't get hurt, Harry, but ...this hurts even more. I want to help. Let me help," she pleaded, furious at the sound of weakness in her voice and the tears welling up.

Harry didn't take his eyes off of her, "Ginny, you're not coming. You - You just can't, alright? There's no reason to. Ron and Hermione..." He finally broke their eye contact and slumped his shoulders, sighing, "I just want to make you understand. I've been trying to make you understand all this time, Ginny, but I just can't. Voldemort -" He ignored the winces of Mrs. Weasley and Ron, "knows about Ron and Hermione. Look, I'd rather be going by myself if I..."

He broke off, pushing on his eyes with his fingertips, his glasses sliding down his nose. "Please, just accept it. I can't hurt you. Not anymore."

Hermione bit her lip, "Ginny, you've got to understand. It's not fair, but it's just how it has to be... We know that you're capable, but it's just too dangerous. A-And you don't know the backstory or why we're going... Just go to Hogwarts, Ginny. And Dean'll be there," Hermione chose to ignore the fact that Harry had tensed at Dean's mention, his posture no longer slouched, "maybe things'll work out between you two."

Hermione didn't have to look at Harry to know that he was upset. The electric feel in the air was enough.

"Dean?" Ginny asked blankly, her mind pausing a moment to recognize how absurd the statement was. "What does Dean have anything to do with it?" She asked shooting Hermione a confused look. Something crossed her mind, but she pushed it away. "This is about all of you treating me as if I'm some kind of child. I'm sixteen! What kind of a difference does a year make? Hermione, you know I'm at the same level as you when it comes to defensive spells. I want to help."

"You're not," Ron said, at her elbow. "Ginny, this isn't helping." He frowned down at her. "It's going to be difficult enough with the three of us. A fourth would only slow us down. If you're serious about wanting to help, you'll go to Hogwarts, where we know you'll be safe and then maybe Harry can actually get his head in order. Because you know he's only going to be thinking about you if you're there. You're a distraction, Ginny."

Ginny squinted at him, as if she couldn't comprehend what he was saying. She whirled around and stared at Harry. A moment of silence followed, punctuated only by Molly and Arthur's yelling from the next room. "SHE SAYS SHE'S NOT GOING..." "WELL OF COURSE SHE'S GOING!"

"Ginny..." Harry said, grabbing her shoulders, "Listen to me. It's already been hard enough, this summer, being this close to you and not being able to..." He trailed off, "Ron's right. You'll only distract me. I can't take that chance, with what we're facing, alright? Do you know how angry your parents'll be? We can't risk taking you. We just can't."

Hermione shook her head, "How long have we been friends, Ginny? Just trust us, please. This isn't the place for you... This isn't what you're supposed to be doing. Listen to us."

Harry kept his grip firm on her shoulders, "I'd let you go if it wouldn't just complicate things, Ginny. But think about it. I wouldn't be able to stand it..." The Weasleys continued yelling in the next room.

Ginny tried not to shiver at his touch, or to wince as his fingers dug into her already thin shoulders. The moment he touched her she could feel the anger start to drain away from her. She tried to hold on to it, but found that within seconds it was gone, leaving her feeling very follow and unsteady.

She met his eyes and then looked away, trying to fight back the tears that were already falling down her cheeks. She could smell the familiar scent of his skin and wanted nothing more than to bury her head in his shoulder and cry. Instead she concentrated every bit of strength she had into pushing him away. "Fine," she said, looking at the ground. "Fine, I'll go."

Ron raised his eyebrows in surprise, clearly not expecting her to give up so quickly. "You will?"

She stepped away from them, crossing her arms across her chest. She nodded, another tear falling down her cheek as she backed up towards the door, still not taking her eyes off of Harry. "I can't be there if you won't let me."

"Good," Hermione said, nodding, "You're making the right decision, Ginny." She forced a smile onto to face, almost as if would change the atmosphere in the room. She looked from Harry to Ginny to Ron to see their expression. Everyone looked sullen. "It'll be better for the lot of us, Ginny. You've got to realize that."

Harry said nothing, his arms hanging limply at his sides. He noticed how thin she was, how her dress hung on her, how shallow her breath was. The spark had gone from her eyes. Harry reached out to touch her face, but thought against it, his arm stopping in mid-air, bridging the gap between them. "I'm sorry."

Ginny laughed tonelessly at Hermione's forced cheerfulness. Again a thought occurred to her, but some ingrained form of loyalty pushed it out of her mind. She shook her head and turned to walk out of the room, barely hearing Harry's apology. She paused a moment outside the door, wanting to make one last case for her to go, but instead dropped her shoulders and continued into the living room.

Ron could hear the soft sound of Ginny talking to their mum and Mrs. Weasley's responses which were gradually dropping in volume. He looked over at Harry who looked completely defeated and then at Hermione who was obviously trying too hard to pretend everything was alright. "It's the right thing, Harry," he said, nodding at him. "She'll see it eventually."

"I'm going to go pack.." Harry said, sounding miserable as he opened the door, "I'll be done in a little while." Ginny had gone up to her room, and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley looked at Harry with grateful eyes.

"They'll be alright, won't they, Ron? Both of them?" Hermione asked, her smile disappearing as soon as Harry was out the door. Her voice sounded anxious, worried. She bit her lower lip and looked up to Ron, grabbing hopelessly for his hand.

Ron squeezed her hand and gave her a half smile. "Sure they will," he said, only too aware of how empty his promise sounded. "Look, as soon as Ginny's back at Hogwarts with her friends she'll realize that she's made the right choice. And as soon as we find what we're looking for, the better off Harry'll be."

Ginny was there, at the top of the staircase just where he thought she'd be. He didn't say anything, just looked at her with sad eyes and grabbed her wrist. It was fragile and thin. He could feel her pulse fluttering underneath his fingertips, struggling like a trapped bird or the hopeless wings of a Snitch. He pulled her towards him, rougher than he'd meant to, and pressed his lips to hers.

They'd never kissed like this when they were together. Their kisses had always been hopeful pecks or grazes. Nothing like this: a kiss of desperation and anger, of apologies that had never been said, of goodbyes. Harry kissed her until stars blinked against his eyelids, their lips crashing together like an unforgiving sea.

He'd hoped his wouldn't happen, here, at the Burrow, but he couldn't help it.

Ginny responded to his kiss, pressing herself against him, wrapping her arms around him as if she was afraid to let go. All summer had been spent daydreaming about a moment just like this one. Just one moment that would change everything. Fix everything that'd been broken. But now as she struggled to keep the kiss going even though she was short on breath and was beginning to feel her knees weaken she realized that this wasn't the change she'd wanted. When she finally had to break the kiss for air she was only too aware that this was his way of saying goodbye.

The thought hurt almost as much as if he'd slapped her instead of kissed her and she quickly tried to get out of his grasp. She didn't want to say goodbye. "Harry...." She took in a deep breath, worried eyes tracing the scar on his forehead. She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. "Bye." She grabbed the trunk that she'd been retrieving and began dragging it down the stairs. She turned at the bottom and looked up at him. "Don't come to the station. You should get going. I...I don't want you to see me off. Be careful and take care of them." She nodded toward the kitchen where she assumed Hermione and Ron were still at.

"Ginny..." He whispered, his lips almost aching from their kiss, "I - I don't know if I'll see you again. I just wanted to..." Harry sighed, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to complicate things more than they already are. I wasn't thinking."

He leaned against the banister, folding his arms and looking down at her. "Just try not to think about us."

She winced as he tried to get the words out, wanting to beg him not to say it. She shook her head. "They aren't complicated, Harry," she said softly. "It's pretty simple, really. I care about you, and you care about me. The only difference is I'm not using it as an excuse to push you away. Just stop thinking. Stop trying to work out every scenario in your head and just admit that you're making a mistake. I could help, if you'd let me."

The one with the murderous brother.

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 04:50:27 GMT

  Linda looked at Spence strangely, ::You didn't take anything Susan gave you, did you? Any pills or mushrooms or anything? Because you're obviously hallucinating. You couldn't have hurt anyone....::
  Spence's breathing was ragged. He stared at her for a moment. She was right, he couldn't have hurt anyone. Not him. He'd only been in a couple of fights his whole life how could he have...
He looked down at his hands and saw blood smeared there. Then everything came rushing at him. He grabbed Linda's hand and dragged her through the crowd towards the outside. He pulled her down the walk and towards Eve's car.
  Linda covered her mouth with her hands, both in shock and to stop herself from being sick, ::Oh, fuck...:: she whispered. Eve and Dana were kneeling by Gordo, who was barely breathing. The snow was red.
  ::The ambulance is coming!:: Spence said, still pulling Linda unknowingly behind him. He stopped behind the two girls who were crying hysterically. ::God, I'm so sorry. I didn't...Shit...he...:: He found himself unable to talk, to see, to hear...all he saw was the red. It was everywhere.
  Eve was shaking. She couldn't stop herself. The music was still blaring, barely twenty feet away. She could hear snippets of conversations. "Who do you thinks hotter?" "Holly Gode is such a whore." She felt violently ill. Someone was dying twenty feet from where they stood, holding shallow conversations and getting drunk, and no one cared.
  ::What fucking happened!:: Dana said looking at Eve. ::What happened?::
   Eve heard Spence mumble something behind her, but she couldn't wrap her mind around it. She couldn't even begin to try and comprehend what happened. Spence did this. She shook her head and swallowed, unable to believe it. She shakily pushed back her hair with a blood-covered hand, ::They -- They were fighting...::
   Dana reached out and touched Gordo's arm. It felt so cold. It was just because he was lying in snow. He wasn't...God, he couldn't...he wouldn't....Her heart jumped in her chest and she gave a shaky sigh as she saw his chest move up and down. ::Gordo...:: She whispered unable to control her sobs.
  Spence heard the sound of running feet. He turned and saw two paramedics running towards them. ::Over here!:: he cried ::Here!::
  Eve wiped at her face, backing up from Gordo as the paramedics saw his body. She didn't know what to do...
  ::Is he going to be okay?:: she asked, trying to choke back her sobs. She saw them wrap him in blankets to try and get his body warmer.
  The paramedic looked up at Eve grimly, ::We'll do our best.::
Dana let go of his hand as the paramedics told her to move. She watched numbly as they checked for a pulse and then began carefully putting him on a stretcher. She looked up at Eve and then at Spence behind her. She stood and walked over to him. ::You,:: she said pushing him. ::You did this? You fucking did this?::
  Linda closed her eyes as they pressed bandages to his head. None of this would have happened if she had just let Spence go back. She felt sick when she realized she could've prevented this. She looked towards her brother. Blood covered his hands and he wore a horrified expression.
  ::Dana...:: Eve whispered, standing behind her, ::Stop. He didn't mean to.:: It hurt her eyes to look at Spence.
  ::I'm sorry...:: Spence said, his voice breaking. As he looked past Dana to Eve.
  ::Sorry?:: Dana said, she pointed at the stretcher. ::He's dying! Oh God...::She collapsed in a heap in the snow. All around them people were coming out from the party. The red lights from the ambulance and now a police car reflected off the house.
  Eve stood there, staring, almost emotionless except for the tears streaking down her face, as they tried to stop the bleeding. She hated herself for not being strong enough to stop the fight. And most of all, she hated herself for still loving Spence.
  ::Cam-Cam!:: Susan Davis pushed through the crowd of people, ::What's going on?::
  Spence looked at Susan blankly, unable to believe that even she couldn't see the situation at hand.
  ::Ew. What's on your face?:: she said, and then she noticed Eve standing there, crying hysterically. Susan hadn't seen the body yet, ::Oh, sorry, hon,:: she said, an evil smirk on her face, ::But he made the right choice. We all know that I'm, like, the better one...::
  ::We're loosing him,:: the male paramedic said. The female nodded and shut the medic box with a snap. ::I'll call him in.:: They pulled the stretcher up and began running it towards the Ambulance.
  ::Susan, shut the fuck up!:: Linda said as she rubbed her arms over her freezing arms.
   ::What?:: Susan siad, putting her hand on her hips, but she stopped short. With the medics gone, she saw her hurt classmate and the red snow surrounding him. Her jaw dropped in shock and she shut her mouth.
  ::Alright, what seems to have happened here? Who made the 911 call?:: A cop said, stepping into the circle of kids. The crowd instantly thinned at the sight of the uniform.
::I did,:: Spence said, his throat dry. ::I called it in::
  Eve spun on her heel, watching as they ran. The red lights flashed, casting a sickening glow on everyone's faces. She backed up until she hit the fence with her lower back. Spence was talking to a policeman...
   ::Did you witness the young man being injured?:: the policeman asked, taking the pen out from behind his ear and placing the tip onto the paper pad in his hand.
  The female paramedic ran back as she yelled something into her walkie talkie. The ambulance drove up on the yard and with the help of the other paramedic they loaded up the stretcher. Dana jumped to her feet and begged to go with him. She ran over to Eve and grabbed her arm. ::Eve, come on. Come on!::
  ::It was an accident...we were fighting and...he was going to kill me. I hit him. I didn't mean to hit him that hard.::
  Eve nodded, keeping her eyes on Spence's face as she climbed into the back on the ambulance.
  ::You did this, young man?::
   ::It was an accident...:: Spence said blankly.
::I want to speak to a lawyer,:: Linda said stepping up beside him. ::Spence, don't tell him anything.::
   They shut the back doors of the ambulance and turned the siren on. The paramedics were rushign around in the cramped space. ::Is he allergic to any medication?:: the female medic asked, taking his heartbeat. Gordo was wearing an oxygen mask.
  Dana shook her head, ::Not that I know of.::
  Eve stared blankly as they hooked an IV up to his arm. He was so pale... She couldn't even cry anymore.
  ::Calm down, young lady, :: the police officer said, ::We're just trying to gather some information...::
  Dana grabbed her hand. ::Oh God, we've got to call Brian.::
   Eve swallowed, focusingon taking deep breaths, ::Oh God...:: she said. Brian was going to be hysterical.
  ::Spence, don't say anything!:: Linda said. ::If you want to talk to him, you're going to have to take him in.::
Spence looked at Linda blankly, ::What?::
::We can do that,:: The policeman said grimly. ::You rich kids think you can get out of anything, don't you?::
  ::I'm going too!:: Susan said, grabbing Spence's arm, ::I want to support my boyfriend.::
   The police officer rolled his eyes. ::Is this your place? You're party? You're beer?::
  ::I could take you all in for this.::
   ::Er, it's that kid's party,:: Susan said, pointing at a random freshman, ::I tried to stop him, officer, I swear. But he just kept on giving people beer...::
   The police officer sighed as he flipped his notepad shut. He pulled out some handcuffs. ::I'm going to take you in for questioning, son. You've already admitted to some guilt, accident or not, this is serious. If the boy dies...:: He stopped at the pained look on Spence's face. ::You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you...::
   ::Cam, honey,:: Susan said,kissing his cheek as the officer put the cuffs on his wrists, ::Call me tomorrow, kay? Unless you go to jail and stuff, because that'd just be icky.::
   ::Susan, shut up!:: Linda said. ::Spence, I'm so sorry! Spence? Don't tell them anything, okay? Spence?::
She followed as they put him in the backseat of the car. Spence seemed to barely register they were there. He looked up at her just as the car door shut, his eyes scared.
::Linda?::
::Yeah?::
::Don't tell dad.::
   The ambulance stopped abruptly and the back doors were thrown open, ::We need to get a blood transfusion fast!:: Eve was pushed out of the way and stood, scared, with her back against the cold of the ambulance wall.
  ::God, what's up your ass?:: Susan said as the police got into the car, ::I mean, c'mon. It's not a big deal. It wasn't like it was someone who mattered; it was just a freak.::

* * * * *

Brian Gordon ran through the Emergancy Room doors, for once not caring who saw his 7-11 uniform. He worked nights, and usually he carried around a second shirt so no one would know his shame, except for his regular customers of course. His eyes raked over the waiting room until they spotted a bit of pink in the corner.
::Eve!:: He called running over to her. ::Eve, what the hell is going on? Dana called me at work. She was so hysterical, I couldn't understand what she was saying. Is she alright? Are you? Who's hurt? Where's Gordo?::

  Eve stared up at him, not knowing what to say, ::Maybe you should sit down.::
  Something in the tone of her voice made his blood run cold. He took a seat across from her. ::Eve, what is it?::
  ::Gordo's hurt,:: she said, and it was all she could say without crying again.
   ::What?:: Brian said, his voice low. ::What do you mean he's hurt? Where is he?::
  ::He -- He got into a fight at this party... He's in the emergency room,:: Eve said, her hands balled into fists to try and keep herself from crying. She wanted to stay strong for Brian.
  ::Fuck,:: Brian whispered. ::How bad, Eve?::
   ::I -:: her voice hitched. She had to look away from his face, ::He's not doing so well...::
  ::Eve, look at me,:: Brian said grabbing her arms Flashes from his last wait in the ER waiting room kept coming back to him. He kept picturing Gordo looking up at him with his large brown, ten year old eyes and asking him when mom was coming home. ::Tell me.:: His eyes pleaded with her to give it to him straight, even if he didn't want to know. Even if...::Tell me::
   ::He has a head injury, and...:: she bit her lip. She didn't want to cry, but the tears were building up rapidly, ::God, there was so much blood... I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I should've stopped it. It's all my fault, Brian, it's all my fucking fault.::
  She pulled her arms out of his grasp to wipe away a tear that had fallen onto her cheek. Her hands were tinged pink from his blood.
  ::You're fault?:: Brian asked, ::What do you mean it's your fault?::
  ::He fought because of me... And I tried to pull him off, but he wouldn't stop... Godammit, Brian, I was too fucking weak to even try again...::
  ::Because of you? Why?::
  ::I saw my boyfriend kissing another girl... Gordo found out,:: she said, and she wanted nothing more than to get away from Brian. He looked like Gordo too much.
  ::You're...you're boyfriend did this?:: Brian asked. His brain scrambling to take it all in.
  Eve froze, closing her eyes and trying to erase the red flashing lights, ::He - He didn't mean to. He just panicked... and, God....::
  ::Who is he?:: Brian asked, his voice low and his face hidden behind his hands as he rubbed his temples.
  ::Cameron Spencer,:: she whispered, holding her head in her hands and leaning her elbows on her knees.
  Brian looked up at her, his eyes hard. ::Gordo had better be okay. Because if he isn't....I swear to God, Eve. I'll kill him.::
  Eve froze, her heart pounding in her ears. She didn't know whether she wanted to defend Spence or to just accept the truth. Eve sat there, staring at the cold tile floor.
   ::Eve...:: Dana said walking up. ::There's a police officer over there that wants to talk to you.:: She sat beside Brian, her eyes red and puffy from crying.
  Eve nodded, her throat dry. She didn't want Spence to get in trouble, and she felt horrible for thinking that. She stood up and followed him outside through the emergency entrance.
   ::Are you Eve Harris?::
  Eve nodded and wrapped her arms around herself. The clouds were dark and it looked as if it were going to snow.
  ::I need to ask you a few questions. What is the victim's name?::
   ::David Gordon,:: she bit her lip and avoided looking at the officer. Policemen made her nervous.
  ::How do you know him?::
  ::He's my best friend,:: she said, and it hurt to say that. Because she might have to change the verb to "was" soon. And that scared her more than anything else in the world.
  ::I was told you were there for the entire fight? Is that right?::
  Eve nodded, and she saw flashes in her mind. The look on Gordo's face when he realized what had happened. The way Spence had gotten so frightened when he realized Gordo wasn't joking around. She swallowed hard, trying to fight off the lump in her throat.
  ::Who initiated the fight?::
  ::Mr. Spencer or Mr. Gordon?::
  ::Gordo,:: she said. She hated calling him by any other name.
  The officer raised an eyebrow. ::Mr. Gordon?::
  ::Yes.::
  ::To your knowledge had either of the two been drinking or under the influence of drugs?::
  ::Neither had,:: she said. Spence didn't drink, and Gordo hadn't even stepped inside the party. She rubbed her hands up and down her arms, the queasy feeling back in her stomach.
  ::Do you know what they were fighting about?::
  Eve froze, looking up to the officer through her eyelashes, ::Does it matter?::
  ::Yes,:: the police officer said fixing her with a no-nonsense look.
  ::I saw Spence, I mean Cameron, kissing another girl and got upset. David found out. He's always been protective,:: she said, feeling sick. She hated how the police officer was talking about it like it didn't matter. Like it wasn't a big deal.
  ::We have a witness who says that she saw you and Mr. Gordon ganging up on Mr. Spencer.::
  ::What? Who said that?:: she said, in shock, ::I never touched Spence... I was upset, I'll admit, but I tried to stop the fight... I didn't do anything.::
  ::You weren't helping Mr. Gordon? I was told it looked like you were knocked out of the fight and you decided not to rejoin. Is this untrue?::
  ::I tried to pull Gordo off because I didn't want Spence to get hurt... I was pushed off and into the street.::
  The policeman regarded her for a moment. ::Mr. Spencer says he hit Mr. Gordon out of self defense. Was that the case from what you saw?::
  Eve swallowed, ::Yes. Gordo's stronger than he looks.::
   ::Alright, Ms. Harris. That's all we need for now.::
   ::What's going to happen to Spence?::
  ::From the two eye witness accounts and his own confession, it's obvious it was self defense. We will release him down at the station where he's being held for questioning.::
   ::Who was the other eye witness?::
  ::She asked that we not disclose that information, I'm sorry.::
  ::There was no one else there, officer.::
  ::The witnesses account matches both yours and Spencers::
  ::Except for your involvement::
  ::Please, officer, I'm telling the truth.::
   He studied her for a moment and shook his head. ::I know you are. If I was you...I'd stay clear of the Davis residence.::
   Realization dawned on Eve, ::Was it Susan Davis?::
  ::I'm sorry, I can't disclose that,:: The officer said looking uncomfortable. ::If we need anything more we'll keep in touch::
  He turned away and Eve followed him, taking large steps to match his pace, ::Susan Davis wasn't anywhere near the fight, officer. She didn't even know anyone was hurt until she saw Gordo in the ambulance. Plus, officer, she's stupid as all hell.::
  The officer turned and it looked like he had to bit back a smile. ::That is something that I picked up on too. Look, kid, stay away from her. She's bad news and she obviously has it out for you.::
  ::Yeah, I kinda understood that when she seduced my boyfriend...::
  ::I hope your friend is okay,:: the policeman said getting in his car. ::If he isn't...it's going to be alot harder getting your boyfriend out of trouble.::
  Eve nodded, ::I hope so too.::
  Eve watched as the police car drove off. Something wet hit her face and she looked up. The first snowflakes were sifting down softly. She sighed and looked around at the near empty parking lot. She wanted to curl up on the ground and let the snow cover her; leaving her suffocated and forgotten. She didn't want to go back inside the hospital and face reality.
  She didn't want to go in and face the possibility that her best friend could die at any moment and that it was all her fault. That she didn't do anything to stop it from happening.
  Eve sighed and decided she was being a coward. She brushed the snow from her hair and shoulders and stepped inside the room again, walking over and sitting beside Dana.

* * * * *

  Brian stood by the side of the bed staring down at his little brother. There were tubes everywhere and he wore an oxygen mask along with a bandage wrapped around his head. Brian's hands were shaking so much that he had grabbed the rail to stop them. Being family he was the only one allowed in the room. ::Gordo, man, what the hell happened?:: Brian whispered. He was greeted only by the sound of steady beeps. A nurse knocked on the door and he looked up.
::I'm sorry, sir. Visiting hours will begin again at six am.::
Brian nodded. He reached out and touched Gordo's hand before turning and walking out of the room. In the hall he stood a moment outside the closed door and then he started marching towards the front doors. Only one thing on his mind: Finding Cameron Spencer and beating the shit out of him.
   Dana looked up at Eve. ::What did he want?::
  ::He just wanted to know what happened...:: Eve said, looking around the room, ::Where's Brian?::
  Dana swallowed, ::They let him in to see him. Family only.::
  ::Oh. Is he alright now? Is he awake?::
   ::No,:: Dana said biting her lip. ::The doctor said they managed to stablize him, but they're worried that he could have a blood clot. He hasn't woken up.::
   ::There's Brian,:: Dana said nodding towards the tall form headed resolutely for the doors.
  ::Brian!:: Eve called, standing up and jogged to catch up with him, ::Where are you going?::
  ::I told you, Eve. I'm going to kill him.::
  Eve stopped walking for a second, ::Please, don't...::
  Brian spun around and stared at her. ::Did you see him, Eve? Do you even fucking care?!::
  His words hit her like a ton of bricks. She stood, stunned, ::How is it going to make it better, Brian?::
  ::It's going to make me feel better::
  She swallowed, ::It was self-defense, Brian. He didn't mean to.:: Eve honestly didn't know why she was defending him. Any sensible person would've hated him.
  ::That's fucking bullshit! Hitting someone that hard is not an accident. I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, Eve. I thought you and Gordo were best firends. If it was you...if it was you Gordo would have already offed this guy. All you can do is protect him? This guy who was cheating on you? Why do you think Gordo fucking jumped him?::
  ::Because of you!::
  Eve clenched her eyes shut. She knew it was true; Brian was saying everything she felt but didn't want to accept. She caused this. She caused Spence to be at the police station and Gordo to be in intensive care. Eve felt like she had lowered herself to ground-level. She felt like the worst person on earth, ::You're right,:: she whispered, and it wasn't in the least bit sarcastic, ::I fucking caused all of this. I just - I just don't know how to deal with it, Brian...::
  ::No,:: Brian said. ::It's his fault. He played you, he beat the shit out of Gordo, and he's going to get off because his daddy makes more money in a year than I'll see in my entire life..::
  Eve's throat was dry, ::Maybe you're right, Brian. Maybe Spence did all those things and I'm just too blind to see them. But, goddammit, none of this would have happened if I hadn't been there. If Gordo hadn't seen how upset I was. If I hadn't seen him kiss her. This fight was about me, Brian. So, if you're going to kick the shit out of anyone, it should be me. I put my fucking best friend in ICU. I'm fucking disgusting.::
  ::Eve,:: Brian said grabbing her by her arms and shaking her hard. ::Listen to yourself. This isn't your fault. This is only one person's fault. Who asked him to come along and act like he was God's gift to you? He cheated on you, it's not your fault. Goddammit, I would have jumped the guy too. Piece of shit. The only thing you're guilty of is believing this guy was anything less than a rich kid out slumming. They all try to have some fun with us, you know that. You know that. Just because they've got money and live on the other side of town they think they're above the law. Well, he's not above me.::
   ::He was so different before, Brian... I didn't know it'd end up like this,:: she whispered, not looking at his face. The sick feeling was back in her stomach. She wanted to sleep forever and never ever have to wake up and face her problems.
  ::Come with me,::Brian said. ::Come with me and break it off with this guy. I swear, I won't touch him for now...just end it. Before he hurts anyone else.::
  Eve felt like the knife that had made its home in between her ribs was just twisted. She nodded, though, because it felt like the right thing to do. She decided she was just going to stop listening to her heart altogether. It made pretty shitty decisions.
  Brian's face softened and he put his arm around her shoulder. ::It's the right thing to do, Eve. I know they tell you they love you, they tell you that you're on their level, but they dont' mean it.They can't see past themselves, past their own lives. We're just something they use to distract themselves from their so called "shitty" lives.::
  ::It's just another power game for them.::
  Eve nodded as he led her out to his car. She contemplated undoing her seatbelt and running as far as she could, but decided against it. Most of all, she was scared about seeing Spence again.
  ::He's probably still at the police station,:: she whispered as he started the engine.
   Brian nodded and steered the car silently towards the police station. He swallowed hard, remembering that only a week ago he was going to the same building to bail Gordo out.
  He parked the car and waited for Eve to get out of the car.
  ::Brian...:: she pleaded, but at the look on his face she opened the car door.
  Brian stepped up beside her. ::Come on.:: He led her up the steps and into the precinct. ::where is he?::
  ::I have no idea...:: she said, dread building up with each of her heartbeats.
  ::What are you doing here?:: a female voice came from behind them. Brian and Eve turned around to see Linda staring at them with her hands on her hips.
  Eve bit her lip and looked to the ground, ::I need to talk to Spence.::
  ::Was I talking to you?:: Linda asked shooting a frown at her, she looked up at Brian. ::I told you to stay away from me.::
Brian stared hard at the brunette infront of him, ignoring the sick feeling in his stomach. ::Nice to see you too, Linda.::
   He turned to Eve. ::Wait a minute, Spencer? He's her brother?::
  Eve stared at him, unable to believe it, ::Yeah...::
  ::Fuck, can this get any more screwed up?:: Brian asked rubbing his eyes wearily.
  ::Linda, where's Spence?:: Eve asked, wanting to get this over with before she changed her mind.
  ::What makes you think I'd tell you anything?:: Linda asked. ::I know what you're trying to do...You've just got to screw everything up, don't you? You want him to go to jail too?::
  ::No,:: Brian said staring at her. ::She wants to make things right, I'm the one that wants to beat him with in an inch of his life, the way he did to my brother.::
Linda's eyes grew wide. ::Oh my God, he's....he's you're brother?::
  ::Linda, just tell me where the hell he is and you too can have your little melodramtic reunion while I'm trying to clear things up,:: Eve snapped, her paitience wearing a little thin.
  ::I'm not telling either of you anything:: Linda said crossing her arms. ::You've always had it out for me. For my family. Always wanting what you can't have.::
  ::What are you talking about, Linda? Is that all you think about, how supposedly this whole thing between me and Spence was so I could screw things up in your family? My best friend's in the fucking hospital. Do you really think I would sink that low just to "get what I can't have"? I'm just trying to end things between us before something else happens.::
  ::What?:: The three turned to see a tired looking Spence being led out to them by the police officer. ::You're what?:: Spence repeated when he didn't get an answer from any of them.
  ::I need to talk to you,:: Eve said, and suddenly her voice seemed very small.
  ::I'll be waiting,:: Brian said sulking off to sit in a chair by the door.
  Linda remained where she was until Spence shot her an annoyed look and she stormed off with a roll of her eyes.
  Spence looked at Eve, he had to fight the urge to slip his arms around her and just cry on her shoulder.
   ::Spence...:: Eve said, just having to say his name one more time before she completely decided. There was no turning back now.
  ::Eve..::Spence said not sure how to tell her everything he had to tell her. About Susan Davis and Gordo and the way he felt as if someone had gutted him. ::I...I dont' know where to start. I know you have to hate me right now. And you should, but it's not what you think. I didn't mean to hurt you, it was an accident.::

The one with the fight.

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 04:31:57 GMT

Eve woke up to someone bustling around her kitchen. She yawned and stretched her arms, rubbing at her eyes. She hardly slept the previous night, tossing and turning and wondering when Spence had had enough time apart. She stood up, combing her fingers through her tangled hair and opened her bedroom door.
::What're you doing?:: Eve asked Dana, getting a glass to pour herself some orange juice.
  ::Making pancakes,:: Dana said cheerfully. ::Though I'm not sure how they'll turn out as you're out of milk and eggs.
  ::So basically it's just paste warmed up.::
  ::Yeah, basically,:: Dana said pouring a cup onto the pan.
   ::Yum,:: Eve said, sarcasm tingeing the edges of her voice, ::I'm so goddamn tired,:: she hopped up onto the counter, ::Did you sleep okay?::
  She tried to turn it over with the use of a spatula, but it stuck to the pan. She sighed and threw the burnt paste in the trash.
::Not really, you?::
  ::Nope,:: Eve said, sighing. ::We should go on our job search soon, you know...::

* * * * *

   ::Cameron?:: Mr. Spencer called from inside his hospital room out into the hall. His voice was dry and hoarse.
  Spence stepped into the sterile room. ::Yeah, dad? Do you need me to get you something?::
  ::Come here,:: he said, and motioned to the gray chair pulled up beside the bed and next to Linda's.
  Spence took a seat beside his family. He hated seeing his father like this. Usually his father was keyed up with a nervous kind of energy, now he just looked drained. Part of him wanted to run from the room, from the building and never look back.
  ::I know you're worried about me,:: his father said simply, ::You need to relax and get your mind off things and get out of this building. Linda's going to the movies and I want you to go with her. It'll make you feel better.::
  Spence looked up at Linda then his dad. ::Dad...I want to be here. I want to be here for you.::
  Mr. Spencer shook his head sternly, ::No, Cameron. Go with Linda. Have some fun. It'll be fine.::
  Spence sighed. Linda did look like she could use a break. ::You're sure?::
  ::Yes,:: he smiled, and it looked out of place among the wires and IV, ::Go.::
  ::We'll be back right after,:: Spence said feeling a strange tightness in his chest as he followed Linda out of the room.
  Linda sighed as she walked down the hallway. She hated lying to her father, but she needed to get out of here for just a little while and forget about everything. Be with her friends. Linda opened the door and climbed in, starting the engine, ::C'mon, Spence, it'll be fun. We need to take a break...::
  Spence slid into the seat next to her. ::I know...I just feel bad. I hate leaving him by himself.::
  ::He needs to sleep and rest and stop worrying about how we're doing. He'll be able to relax when we're out for a bit,:: she said, hoping Spence wouldn't notice she just passed the movie theatre.
  ::Yeah...:: Spence said half heartedly. He wondered what Eve was doing and then quickly tried to push her out of his mind.
  ::Alright, we're here,:: Linda said, parking. It was clearly not the movie theatre. High schoolers were scattered on the lawn in front of the large house, all holding red plastic cups. The house was practically blaring with music.
   ::Linda, where are we?:: Spence asked looking at the house. ::You said we were going to the movies.::
Linda bit her lip, ::Dad would have never let us come here. Spence, it's going to be fun. Plus, it's Susan's party.::
  ::Linda!:: Spence said. ::You know I don't like her like that. Stop trying to play matchmaker. Look, if we're not going to the movies, I'm leaving.::
  ::Give me the keys::
   ::No. You're going to this party, Spence,:: Linda said, glaring.
   ::Linda, I'm not kidding. I'm not going to go to some keg party when dad is at the hospital by himself. You're so Goddamn selfish sometimes.::
   ::Don't you fucking call me selfish, you hypocrite,:: she said, her voice tight.
   Spence sighed. ::Linda, I'm sorry. I'm just...stressed. This isn't fun to me. I didn't mean to...if you want to hang out, fine. Just give me the keys and I'll come back for you.::
  ::Please, Spence, just come inside. A half an hour is all I'm asking. You don't have to drink. I won't, either.::
  Spence felt like a jerk. She was right, he was the selfish one. He had caused all this with his selfishness. ::Alright,:: He said melting under his sister's pleading look. ::But just half an hour.::
  ::Good,:: Linda said, opening the car door. She paused, ::Thanks.::
  Spence got out of the car and followed Linda up the walk. The party was in full swing and he felt the familiar feeling of not quite belonging.
  Susan came stumbling out of the front door, giggling, her beer sloshing over several people as she made her way up to Linda and Spence, ::Linda! I'm, like, so glad you made it!:: She threw her arms around her friend, what little liquid left in her cup splashing onto Linda's hair.
   ::Oooooh, and you brought your brother!:: she whispered, but in her drunken state it was still full volume. ::Hello, Cameron,:: she said giggling, and wrapping her arms around his neck. She smelled like beer and body glitter.
  Spence rolled his eyes as Linda hugged Susan back. These girls were so stupid. They didn't have anything underneath their make up, designer clothes and painted on smiles. He felt a physical pang as he suddenly was overwhelmed with missing Eve.
  ::Hey,:: Spence said trying to push her away. She was half leaning on him though and he only succeeded in causing her to fall, dragging him down with her. They lay in a heap of arms and legs on the lawn. Susan was laughing hysterically.
  ::Where were you guys today? I was so totally lost on that Chemistry test....:: she said, twirling her hair and grabbing Spence's hand with her other, lying on the frozen ground as if it wasn't a big deal.
  Linda stopped laughing. She had called Susan the previous day, crying hysterically about her dad. Linda swallowed when she realized that Susan hadn't been listening at all.
  Spence disconnected her hand and stood up. God he hated these parties. His eyes fell on Linda and he was worried she was going to cry.
   ::We went out of town,:: Linda said quickly, pushing back the sadness and glancing over at Spence, ::No big.::
  ::Oh,:: giggle, ::Hey! Cam, baby, can you help me up?::
   Spence looked at Linda for a moment. He couldn't believe her. He shook his head and walked away towards the house his hands in his pockets, ignoring Susan begging for someone to help her up in her stupid "do me" halter top.
   ::Oh, awesome. Party,:: Eve said, pointing to the brightly lit house from the car. She parked near it, ::Let's make this quick. All I want is some effing free alcohol.::
   ::Cam-Cam!:: Susan said, following him into the house, ::Wait up!::
   Spence sighed and turned around to face Susan. ::What?::
  Linda sighed, exasperated, and went in to go look for some of her other friends. Who hopefully weren't so drunk or interested in getting with her brother.

* * * * *

   ::Gordo said he'd meet us here,:: Dana said walking up the yard.
  Susan giggled and leaned against his chest, ::You know, I've always had this crush on you...:: She said, drunkenly, giggling the entire time as she taced circles on his shirt with her fingertip.
  Eve rolled her eyes, ::Great,:: she said, ignoring the glares she received as the rich kids recognized her.
   Spence grabbed her wrist in his hand and held it down. ::I know, I think it's about time you got over that, don't you think?::
  ::There are bedrooms upstairs. Mine's probably free, you know,:: she paused, supposedly for seduction, but the moment was ruined by a hiccup, ::If we did something maybe I'd get over it...::
  ::Um...Eve?:: Dana said looking around the room for Gordo. ::Isn't that Spence over there?:: She bit her lip and nodded towards Spence who was standing awfully close to a girl and holding her hand.
  ::C'mon, you know you want to. And I'm better in bed than that poor freak you've been hanging out with,:: she smirked and pressed her lips to his, Spence's back to the wall.
  ::Oh yeah,:: Spence said sarcastically as he pulled back. ::I want you so bad, Susan. Why don't you go upstairs, get undressed, get under the covers and wait for me.::
   ::Where?:: Eve asked, turning around, and it felt as though someone had stabbed her in between her ribs. Spence was kissing another girl. A cheerleader. A rich girl.
  Someone who wasn't her.
  Eve's mouth went dry and it took her a couple moments to form words, ::...I need to get out of here,:: she said, turning around and pushing the crowd of people aside. She felt like she was drowning.
  A flash of pink caught Spence's eye and he saw a familiar form passing through the crowd. His eyes travelled to Dana who was shooting a murderous look his way and everything clicked. ::Shit,:: he muttered as he tried to wiggle out from underneath the rank-breathed Susan.
  Her lips were on his neck. She saw the flash of pink in the corner of her eye, ::And hey, perfect timing. There goes that little bitch now.::
  Spence pushed Susan off of him will more force than he meant to, causing her to topple into a potted plant. Dirt spilled out over the cream colored carpet. Finally free of the drunk bitch he ran in the direction Eve had disappeared in.
  Eve ran out, nearly slipping on a patch of ice on the sidewalk. She leaned against her car, unable to breathe. She couldn't cry, couldn't scream, couldn't do anything. She felt like she was paralyzed with shock. She didn't know what to do.
   ::Cameron!:: Susan yelled, her hair tangled and her favorite red halter covered in soil, ::Where do you think you're going?!::
  ::Eve, are you alright?:: Gordo stepped out from behind the car. ::Are you shaking?:: he asked in alarm as he stepped in front of her.
   Eve gulped in great breaths of air. She was suffocating. Eve heard Gordo, and saw him, but she didn't process that he was actually there in front of her. Everything seemed like a nightmare she couldn't shake away, imprinted in her memory. Her lips on his. Red haltered torso pressed against the body she knew so well. Manicured nails tangled in his hair.
  ::Eve?:: Gordo asked putting a hand on her arm. ::Eve, tell me what's wrong.::
::Eve!:: Spence said running towards them. ::Eve it's not what it looked like.::
Gordo looked from Eve's shocked face to Spence and he knew exactly what had happened.
Spence didn't even seem to notice him as he ran up to Eve. ::Eve, it's not what you think!::
  Eve winced as Spence came up close to her. She could see marks on his neck. She wanted to be sick.
  She wanted to be angry. She didn't want him to have this power over her. But she was too shocked to even attempt to be angry at him.
   Eve found her voice and looked up to Spence with wide, hopeless, sad eyes, ::You said you wanted to sort things out. Was this it? Was I not-:: her voice hitched, ::-good enough?::
  Gordo didn't even feel himself ball his hands into fists, all he could do was see Eve's pain. It was the hitch in her voice that did it, that sent him over the edge. He threw himself at Spence using his body to knock him to the ground. He managed to get in a few punches before Spence kneed him in the stomach.

Spence saw stars as Gordo's fists connected with his face. He struggled to get him off, so he could breathe. He was being suffocated by Gordo's lanky form. He managed to knee him in the stomach and he used the momentary distraction to roll over. A moment later though and Gordo had attacked him from behind, pushing him head first into the side of a car. Spence struggled to get up, struggled to fight.
  ::Stop!:: Eve yelled, trying to pull Gordo off of Spence, ::Stop. Stop...:: She said, and they were barely above whispers. She didn't want this. She was knocked into the icy street as the boys fought, and she laid there. She wanted the earth to open up and swallow her whole.
  This was the second time this had happened. She was always going to be someone's leftovers. Second best. Never good enough. That's why everything happened to her, wasn't it? She was never fucking good enough. Her mother hated her because she didn't wear red halter tops and go to keggers and press herself onto someone else's boyfriend. She curled up, grabbing her knees in her arms and watching the shadows of the fight on the wet street. Her mother wanted a Susan Davis.
  And so did Spence.
   Spence managed to get some shots to Gordo's face as he struggled to get up. He hadn't wanted this. He should have grabbed the keys and left, he shouldn't have left the effing hospital. Gordo pressed his arm against Spence's throat and Spence realized that Gordo was willing to kill him, right now in this instant. Spence suddenly felt panic over take him. His hand reached out for anything, for some kind of weapon and he felt his fingers scrape up against something heavy and hard. He picked it up and brought it up to hit Gordo as hard as he could. There was a sickening crunch and then Gordo fell limply on top of him. Spence's heart was pounding in his chest as pushed Gordo off of him. He almost threw up at the crimson of the Gordo's blood against the snow. He looked at the object in his hand. It was a large piece of wood that had rolled from the woodpile a few feet away. Blood dripped off it from where he had hit Gordo with it. His eyes traveled from the piece of wood in his hands to Gordo. ::Oh...God...::
   The fight had stopped. Spence was backing from Gordo's unconscious form as fast as he could. Eve realized that something bad had happened. Very, very bad. She got quickly onto her feet and ran at Gordo's limp form as fast as she could, stumbling on an ice patch as she ran. She kneeled beside Gordo. The snow was red.
  Spence fell like he was going to throw up. ::I didn't mean to...God...:: he swallowed hard, ::He was going to kill me.::
  ::Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God,:: she said, panic rising in her voice with each repetition. Her hands were red with his blood as she touched his face, ::Gordo!:: she said, shaking him, finally realizing the intenisty of the situation, ::Gordo! Don't you dare fucking leave me...::
  Spence wiped away a tear, unconsciously wiping Gordo's blood on his face. ::He'll be alright, I'll go...I'll go call 911.:: He scrambled to his feet and ran for the house.
  Tears were flowing down her face and they sank into the snow with barely audible "plops". Blood was streaked down her shirt and her arms and her jeans. She could only barely see his chest rising up and down.
   Eve gathered his body into her arms, hugging his limp form, ::You'll be fine, Gordo... You can't leave me...:: she whispered, and she tore off a piece of her shirt, pressing it to his head to try and stop the bleeding.
  Spence pushed through the crowd searching for a phone. All around him people were laughing and making out. He spotted phone bases, but all the cordless phones were gone from them. He finally spotted one in the Kitchen. He picked it up and heard two people talking. He yelled at them to get off and finally they hung up. His hands were shaking as he dialed 911.
  ::Spence, what are you doing?:: Linda said, walking up to her brother.
  ::Where are we?:: Spence asked her frantically. ::What's the address?!::
  Linda looked at him, confused, ::8762 Mockingbird.::
   ::8762 Mockingbird:: Spence said into the phone. ::No, he's unconscious. There's so much blood, please hurry!::
  ::What are you doing? What's on your face?::
  ::Linda,:: Spence said hanging up the phone. ::Oh God, I think I might have killed someone. It was an accident...I didn't mean too....What if he dies? God, what if he dies?:: He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think, all he saw was the red on white and the horrified look on Eve's face.
  ::What?:: Linda said, horror on her face, ::What the hell are you talking about?::
  Eve was sobbing into his hair, her jeans freezing in the snow they were immersed in. She didn't know what to do...
  ::Eve?:: Dana called, having decided to check on her friend. She walked towards the car. ::Eve are you...:: She froze as Eve and Gordo came into view. She stumbled as she ran to them, she fell landing painfully on her knees beside Eve. ::Oh my God, what happened? Gordo? Gordo!::

The one where Dana and Eve opt for a lifetime of free Icees.

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 04:17:16 GMT

  Eve sighed as Spence kissed her neck. She pressed herself against him as much as she could in the small seats, kissing the corner of his mouth. She had literally crawled into his lap, so each of her knees was on either side of his legs, ::I love you...:: she whispered, resting her forehead on his adam's apple and kissing the tiny bare spot of skin on the curve of his shoulder where his shirt had been pulled away. Spence's cast was rough against the small of her back.
   ::I love you too,:: He whispered against her hair. He felt her against him and he felt the familiar tidal wave of emotions and wants and needs wash over him. Guilt and lust and love and...God he loved her. Loved holding her, loved the sound of her voice, the feel of her body against his, the knowledge that she was there and his to touch whenever he wanted, whenever he needed. Spence relaxed as his one good hand traveled up the back of Eve's shirt.
  ::I'm so sorry,:: she whispered, and gulped back the feeling of tears, ::I was being so stupid... and God, I'm sorry,:: she said and grabbed his face in her hands and kissed his lips as hard as she could.
  Spence wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back. He was breathing deeply when they finally came up for air. For a moment he just stared at her. He should go now. Before things became harder to walk away from. Just for a little while...just to get things lined up again.... just to....he leaned forward and kissed her neck, tracing the thin line that signified her collar bone.
  Who was he kidding? He couldn't walk away, and he knew it.
   ::When does your sister expect you back?:: she asked, biting her lip and running her hands against Spence's stomach.
  ::In a little while:: Spence murmured against her skin.
  ::Do you wanna go inside?:: she said, trying to catch her breath, ::...For a little while...:: she rested her lips on his jawbone, closing her eyes and breathing him in.
   Spence closed his eyes and sighed. Did he want to? More than anything. But was it smart? If he went in now then he'd never be able to step back. This is the way it worked. A little while would turn into a couple of days. It would be perfect, and then something would happen and he'd realize that there was a world outside the two of them. What would have to make that happen this time? God, what was wrong with him?

::You have no idea how much I want to,:: He breathed sinking into the driver's chair. ::But, I should be getting back::.

This was it. He had taken a stand, if she blew him over like she had since the day they had met then he would have simply no choice than follow her. He had no will when it came to her. Even saying that had taken all the power he possessed.
   Eve nodded, kissing his cheek briefly before climbing off him and into the passenger's seat, but it took her a while to will her hand to the door handle. She sat there for a while, the cool of the metal on her hand making her shiver slightly. Or maybe it was just because she only had her body heat to warm herself.
  Spence stared out at the dim street in front of them. ::I'm an idiot, aren't I?:: He looked over at her. ::It's okay, you can tell me.::
  ::No, no, no, no...:: she said, shaking her head and staring over at him, ::Never say that. You're making the right decision, Spence. It's just that...:: Eve sighed and slumped back into the seat, ::I really don't know. Maybe I think that this is goodbye because once I'm out of the picture you'll find someone else. Or maybe you'll realize how much I screwed things up when I was around. Or maybe,:: she broke off. ::Look, Spence, I'm so sorry. I'm being so stupid and needy and selfish. You're going through hell right now and I'm not helping at all. I'm making it worse,:: she bit her lip to shut herself up, and sat there looking at the flickering street light a few yard in front of the car. She felt so stupid and childish.
  :Eve,:: Spence said softly. ::I...I didn't choose this to happen. My dad having a heart attack. God, this is hell. I mean to almost lose someone who's always...:: He swallowed hard. ::What I mean is,:: He said putting his hand over hers that lay in the space between them. ::It is hell, but it would be so much worse if I didn't have you. If I didn't have you to talk to, to hold, to run to. I know you think I'm trying to run from you, but you don't understand. It's taking everything I have to stop myself from running and throwing my arms around you and never letting you go. From dragging you down with me. I know you'd go through this in my place if you could, but you can't. This is something I have to go through on my own. But your being here, being there, being around....I don't know what I'd do with out you.::
  ::You think you're tearing everything apart, but you're holding everything together.::
  Eve kissed his lips softly and pulled away, opening the car door. The cold air hit her and she shivered again, ::Goodnight. Call me if you need to talk about anything, okay? I love you, Spence...::
  :I love you too,:: Spence said smiling at her. ::Don't forget your AA buddy.::
  Eve rolled her eyes and opened the back door, shaking Dana, ::Dana, wake up...:: she said.
  ::Mmmm...:: Dana said wiping at some drool. She got out of the car and stood leaning on Eve for support.

::Goodnight:: Spence said waving at them. ::I'll call you soon.::
  ::'Night,:: she said, smiling and closing the car door. She watched him go down the street until his backlights became invisible in the darkness.
  ::Now that was hot:: Dana said straightening up suddenly. ::I completely see what you see in him now.::
  Eve's jaw dropped, ::You were awake?::
   Dana smirked at her. ::Come on, you didn't fall for that one did you? That's the oldest trick in the book!::
   ::Oh, you're such a wench,:: Eve said, hitting her on the shoulder and pushing her hair behind her ears, ::But it was, wasn't it? See what I'm talking about?::
  ::I do!:: Dana said, moving out of the street. ::Tell me he has a brother!::
  ::Nope,:: Eve said, ::Snagged the only available male Spencer in town,:: Eve smirked, pulling her keys out of her back pocket, ::Looks like you'll have to go after Gordo!:: she said, adopting a sing-song voice and taking the stairs two at a time. She was surprisingly happy at the moment.
  ::You know, you're right. I might as well resign myself to making dirty love to Gordo. It's going to take some getting used to, but I'll adapt.::
  ::But of course,:: Eve said, turning the key in the lock. She opened the door and set her wallet on the kitchen counter along with the keys.
  ::Are you going to school tomorrow? You know you're going to have a killer hangover.::
   ::I should,:: she said, biting her lip, ::I want to see Spence.::
  ::Are you sure? Did you two really talked about what he meant by *time to clear his head*? Not that you should stop talking to him, but maybe you should wait until he talks to y you first::
  Eve bit her lip, ::Right. So, no school tomorrow.:: The truth is, she'd forgotten about that until the words had come out of her mouth. Must have been just habit.
  Dana sighed. ::He really love you. And I'm not just saying that because you two said it so many effing times that I wanted to puke again.::
   ::Shut up,:: she said, trying to fight back a smile as she flopped onto the couch. Eve turned on the TV, flipping through infomercials until she found a decent one on a juicer. Infomercials were amusing to her.
::I'm exhausted:: Dana said collapsing in the arm chair. ::I guess I'm going to have to go get a J-O-B tomorrow, huh?::
  ::I wonder if the Pussycat club is hiring::
  Eve snorted, ::Probably,:: she said, smirking, ::I'm tired as eff too...:: she said, yawning as she watched the man juice a zucchini. Why anyone would want zucchini juice was beyond her, especially at this hour.
  Dana stared at the TV suddenly very tired. Her mind wasn't working properly any longer. ::Roy always said I was asking for it, might as well get paid for it, right?::
  Eve looked at her in shock, ::You can't be serious, Dana...::
  Dana's head snapped up, ::What?::
  ::Don't believe that bastard. He's just a horny, stupid pedophile.::
  Dana's face paled as she realized what she had said. She laughed nervously, ::Yeah, sorry.::
  Eve shut off the tv, turning towards Dana. She was suddenly very serious, ::What'd he do to you?::
  ::Nothing,:: Dana said throwing a pillow at Eve. ::Why do you always want to believe the worst?::
  ::No, seriously, Dana... You can tell me,:: she said catching the pillow and setting it on the couch beside her.
  Dana sighed and rubbed her eyes. ::Nothing happened.::
  Eve bit her lip, ::You sure? 'Cause if you aren't, you can tell me. It helps to talk about things sometimes.::
  Dana shook her head, ::You just don't give up, do you? What if something did happen? Are you going to make it okay? What good is talking about it going to do? Is it going to undo it? Is it going to make me feel better? Is it going to make you feel better? :: She was on her feet now. ::Nothing happened. Nothing.:: Then she walked down the hall and slammed her bedroom door, leaving Eve alone in the Living Room.
   ::Fuck,:: Eve said simply, holding her head in her hands and rubbing at her temples. She didn't know whether to go up and knock on her bedroom door, or to just give it up. She went with her heart, ::Dana?:: she asked, tapping her knuckle softly on the door, ::I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...::
  Dana opened the door tears streaming down her face. ::No, I'm sorry...I'm so sorry Eve. I didn't mean to go off like that.::
  :;Oh, God, Dana...:: she whispered at the sight of her tears, and pulled her friend into a hug, ::It's not your fault...::
   Dana hugged her back unable to, or really wanting to talk. Finally she pulled back. ::Thanks Eve. Look at me, the overemotional drunk. You really should sell tickets for when we get wasted like this, you know?::
   ::The Freak Show,:: she said, smirking and sitting down on Dana's bed, ::Life's crap, you know that?:: Eve said, trying to lighten the mood and sensing that Dana didn't want her to push the subject anymore.
   ::Isn't it supposed to be our oyster? Or is that the load of crap you're talking about?:: Dana said smiling half heartedly at her. Her eye caught the clock. ::Did you realize it was three in the morning?::
  Eve's eyes grew wide and she suddenly realized how tired she was, ::No. Definitely no school tomorrow.::
  Dana yawned. ::Definitely not. You should just drop out like me and we can live out the rest of our lives working at Town and Country and scoring free Icees.::
  Eve laughed, ::Tight. Free Icees are always a plus. I really need to get a job, though. Maybe I'll go with you tomorrow...:: Eve rubbed at her eyes, standing up, ::I think I'm going to go to bed.::
  ::Now Eve,:: Dana said falling back on her bed and sliding off her shoes. ::If you plan on marrying Spence you're going to at least have to go to college. A Spencer can't marry a high school drop out. It'd be disgraceful.::
  ::I bet his maid has a PhD in household cleaning chemistry::
  ::Probably,:: Eve said, suddenly feeling very sad and tired, ::But, I'm already a disgrace to his family. So there's no use in actually trying in school. Too much effort,:: She faked a smile.
  Dana grinned back. ::Free Icees it is, then.::
  ::Exactly,:: Eve said, opening Dana's bedroom door, ::'Night.::
  ::Night:: Dana said sleepily.

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 02:44:54 GMT

::Thanks,:: she mumbled, giving the driver a twenty as he pulled up by the entrance. Eve winced when she realized that was her grocery money for next week, but closed the door anyway and walked quickly to the entrance.

Dana tried to act sober as they walked through the sliding doors and into the sterile smelling hospital. ::Do you even know where he's at?::

::Fifth floor... I think,:: she went to the main desk, ::Excuse me, do you know where Mr. Spencer would be? He had a heart attack earlier.::

::Room 505:: the nurse said. ::Visiting hours are over, though. Are you immediate family?::

::Yes. He's my... father-in-law. I'm here to support my... husband.::

Eve smiled weakly and hoped the lady couldn't smell the alcohol on her.

Dana started coughing uncontrollably in order to disguise her laughter. The nurse nodded and pointed towards the elevators.

::Shut up!:: Eve said, elbowing her in the ribs as they walked towards the elevator, ::She probably doesn't believe me now!::

::She let us in, didn't she?:: Dana asked leaning against the wall of the elevator for support.

Eve nodded and pressed her hand up against her forehead. The movement of the elevator wasn't really helping her current state.

::Eve are you sure about this?:: Dana asked, feeling her stomach churn. ::We could leave now and he would never have to know you were here.::

::I'm sure,:: she said, nodding as the elevator came to a halt. She stepped out and saw Spence sitting down in a chair with his head in his hands.

Dana stepped out into the hallway almost running into Eve. She spotted a boy in a plaid overshirt sitting in the hallway. ::I think I'm going to go find a bathroom to be sick in:: she said cheerfully. ::Good luck::

::Spence?:: Eve called, leaning against the wall to try and stop the walls from spinning.

::Thanks,:: Eve said, smirking.

Spence looked up to see Eve leaning against the side of the wall. ::Eve? What are you doing here?::

::I came to see you...:: She said, suddenly feeling like she needed to slide to the floor, ::I was worried.::

Spence just stared at her for a moment. Then he got up and helped her to his chair. ::Thanks. You should have stayed home, though.::

::No, I didn't... You wanted to talk. About what? Is everything okay?::

::I didn't want to talk like this,:: he said kneeling beside her chair.

Eve gulped, ::Spence, I'm fine. I can comprehend everything perfectly.::

Spence smiled and gently swept a loose strand of hair behind her ear. ::They say he's going to be alright. He had a close call, that's all. It's going to take some time for him to get back on his feet.:: He took a deep breath. ::I'm going to have to be there to help out, you know?::

::Yeah...:: she smiled, ::I can come over and help when you need me. Anytime. I can cook and--:: She paused at the look on his face and shut up.

He looked down at his hands. ::Eve, I think....I think we should take a break. Just for a little while. To sort things out. We've both been careless with the people closest to us. I guess this has made me realize that we can't really afford to act that way. We can tell ourselves that our decisions don't affect anyone but us, but that's a lie and we both know it.::

Eve stared at him, her eyes wide and fearful, ::You're breaking up with me?::

::No! God no!:: Spence said, feeling his heart jump into his chest. ::I don't want to break up. I just...I just need some time to get things in perspective again. Eve, I love you so much. I could spend every hour just thinking about you and never get tired. When you're around it's like I can't think of anything but you. It's so easy to get lost. I just have to clear my head.::

He sounded like an idiot, he knew it. He hated the look of pain on her face, and the knowledge that he had caused her that.

She remember how she felt this afternoon, and how she knew this was going to happen. Trust anyone and your heart'll get smashed to pieces with a sledgehammer, ::No...:: she said, and her voice sounded very distant in her head, ::No, no, I understand. Really,:: she said, smiling as wide as she could, but it hurt her face. Her throat was tight and she blinked against the tears in her eyes because she couldn't control her emotions with the alcohol pounding through her veins.

::Eve:: Spence said, surprised that his voice broke under the emotion. ::Eve it doesn't change anything. Nothing. I still love you. I still want to be with you. I just...:: God, this was so hard! ::Please, understand. I have to make things right::

Eve stood up, determined to not feel the room sloshing like the blood through her ears was, ::No, I do. Really. I guess -- I guess I'll just see you around then,:: she nodded and brushed off her skirt, ::Bye,:: her voice was choked and she swallowed harshly to get the knot in it to go away. She forced a smile and turned on her heel to walk away.

::Eve,:: Spence said grabbing her arm. ::Don't go like this. Hold on a second and I'll get Linda's keys and drive you home.::

::It's okay. I'll get a taxi.::

::Eve, are you going to be okay? I never....I never wanted to hurt you, this is just something I have to do. It's not forever.::

::I'm fine, okay? I'm fine, Spence,:: she said, and she hated the way she had said his name. His hand was still on her arm, and it felt as if it was burning her. She thought about what it was like to kiss him and the room spun around her like a carousel.

Spence let go of her arm, surprised at the edge in her voice. The surprise was quickly replaced with a deep sadness. Nothing would be the same now. ::Do you want me to call someone? Dana or....Gordo?::

::Dana's puking in the bathroom.::

::What here?:: Spence asked looking around.

::Yeah... I need to call a taxi,:: she said, stumbling towards the pay phone. She felt like she had been punched in the stomach.

::Let me take you home,:: Spence said.

Eve spun on her heel and nearly fell over, ::Don't trouble yourself. Stay here,:: the look on his face made her breath hitch in her throat and she had to remember how to breathe. All she wanted to do was curl up on the floor and pass out and not remember any of this in the morning. The tears welled up again and she turned away, ::I need to call the taxi,:: she reminded herself again, turning and attempting to walk to the phone.

::Eve sit down,:: Spence said growing exasperated. He pushed her into a chair. ::You're about to pass out any minute, aren't you? Stay here, I'll be right back with the keys.:: He turned and walked back to the room where he opened the door quietly and disappeared inside.

Eve gasped in air, covering her face with her hands. She was determined not to cry and let Spence know that she was affected by this. She couldn't. Eve swayed in her seat, her eyes squeezed as tight as they possibly could be. He'd find another girl and leave her, she knew it. That cheerleader would make her move and he'd realize how fucked up she was.

::Eve?:: Dana whispered. ::Are you alright?::

She wanted to go home and curl up in bed and take antidepressants and cry and not wake up. She didn't want to be here.

::Eve?:: Dana asked kneeling beside her. ::Are you awake?::

She wondered whether she should take her hands away from her face and let him see she was crying,

::Spence...:: she whispered, ::I'll be okay. You don't have to take me home.::

::I'm taking you home,:: Spence said resolutely, walking up. ::Both of you.::

Eve got up, hurriedly wiping at her eyes so he couldn't tell. She walked, but swayed backward. Spence caught her before she hit the ground, his arms encircled around her waist.

Spence sighed as he dragged her towards the elevator. Dana was following closely behind. He hit the button for the first floor. He didn't let go after Eve seemingly regained her feet. The elevator was very quiet as it dinged at every floor.

Eve closed her eyes and let Spence support her. He smelled like Spence, and he felt like Spence, but she knew that nothing would ever be the same. She shook her head and tried to push him away, ::Let go of me.::

Dana watched the hurt look on the boy's face as he let go of her. Whatever had happened while she had been puking her guts out, it had been bad. The doors opened and he told them to wait there while he got the car.

Eve sat down in a chair nearby, holding her head in her hands. This had officially been one of the worst days of her life.

::Eve, what happened?::

::Nothing,:: she mumbled, rubbing her temples.

Dana sighed and looked up as a horn honked outside. ::There he is.::

She hated the hospital. All of her prominently bad memories happened in that stupid building. Eve got up and sighed heavily before going into the cold night air. Dana climbed into the backseat and laid down. Eve stared at the passenger side door. She didn't want to sit by him because she didn't want to break down.
She felt so stupid and selfish and she wanted to lie on the pavement and freeze than get into the car.

Spence leaned over and opened the door for her.

::Thanks,:: she mumbled, ::You didn't have to do this, you know.::

::Yeah, I did.:: Spence said as he pulled away from the hospital.

Eve bit her lip and let her temple rest against the cold glass of the window. She glanced over at him, briefly, before directing her attention back to the houses streaking by.

Spence wanted to say he was sorry, though for what he wasn't sure. He knew he was doing the right thing, but why did it feel so wrong? Instead he said nothing as he drove the short drive to her apartment complex. Halfway there soft snores came from the backseat and he tried not to smile.

Spence pulled up next to the apartments. Eve instinctively moved her head to kiss him goodnight, but then realized what she was doing when her lips were halfway to his and she pulled away and looked at the dashboard for a couple of moments, ::Bye. Thanks for driving. I hope your dad feels better soon,:: she said, looking at his face in her peripheral vision.

For the first time since they had seen each other Spence didn't hesitate at initiating something. He reached over and kissed her. He didn't know how she'd react. He knew she was hurt, and didn't understand and probably angry. He couldn't say in words how he felt, maybe he could show her.

::Stop,:: she mumbled against his lips, ::Please,:: she said, but she couldn't pull away.

He kissed her even harder, wanting to touch her, remembering the way she smelt, remembering the feel of her skin against his. His mind began to cloud over and then suddenly he pulled back. He was breathing shallowly as he looked at her. ::Eve, I love you.::

She exhaled and didn't meet his eyes, ::Spence, stop. Don't make it more difficult than it already is.::

::It doesn't have to be difficult. Why are you making it difficult? If it was you...I'd understand. I would at least try. It's almost like you want to give up on us.:: The words spilled out of him before he could check them mentally.

::I am,:: she said simply, and she looked up at him, ::I'm giving up. This is it. Don't you understand? It's ending...::

Spence felt as if she had physically slapped him. ::What?::

Eve lowered her eyes from his, ::Think about your life before me. Thank about your life after me. Which one's better, Spence?::

::After, no question.::

Eve snorted with bitter laughter, ::Whatever, Spence. You actually got along with your father. Your sister talked to you. They trusted you. Now? Everything's different. You said it yourself: you can't think around me. And that's never, ever going to change. How is a couple of weeks apart going to make things different? You're going to come back and things are going to fuck up again.::

::Eve, I wouldn't change anything about us. Nothing. I've never felt this way about anyone. I always thought all those songs and stories and movies was a bunch of crap. I never thought it could be real, and then I met you. It's just...when there's something this powerful involved...it's easy to be taken captive to it. I just have to find a balance. I can't be acting like a love sick fool and ignoring everyone else but me and you. In the end that would only cause us to hate each other for making each other give up the other people in our lives. I don't want you to resent me.::

Eve closed her eyes and let the words soak in, ::He won't let you come back, you know. And you'll listen to him. You should, he's your dad and he knows best.::

::He's my dad and he needs me, but I need you. Just give me some time to work things out. I'm only asking for a couple of days. I'm not giving up on us. I'm not giving up on my family. Maybe you don't know me well enough, I'm not a quitter.::

Eve didn't know what she was doing, but she leaned over, practically in his lap, and kissed him. It may have been the alcohol, or just the overwhelming emotions of the day, but she needed it. She needed Spence, not matter how much she denied it, or said she was okay without him, or how much she tried to make him understand: she needed him.

Spence kissed Eve back, pulling her closer to him. He needed her just as much as he needed his family. He didn't know how he was going to make it days without her. He tried to make this last kiss last.

The one where Eve and Dana get shitfaced.

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 02:43:57 GMT

When Eve opened her front door, she realized her hands were shaking. She sighed heavily, brushing the snowflakes from her hair and shoulders. Eve leaned against the kitchen counter, pressing her fingertips to her eyelids to try and make Spence's face erase from the backs of them. His smile: the way his eyes sparked, the way the corners of his mouth looked when he was trying not to look, the way he... was. Eve opened her eyes. The one image she couldn't stand was the way his face looked when he got off the phone: completely blank. Void of all emotion. It was that face that burned her.

She fought the urge to punch the wall and instead sat back, taking in deep breaths of air. She'd have to stop seeing him. She'd have to; there was no way around it. And, eventually, she'd get over it and stop walking around with his image burning her eyes. Eve bit her lip and opened her cup cupboard, feeling around on the very top shelf. She pulled down the bottle of very cheap vodka she had an overenthusiastic fraternity boy buy her outside of the Liquor Bank. Smiling cruelly to herself, she realized she was taking the easy way out. But, God, it would feel so much better than this.

::Eve is that you?:: Dana asked walking into the kitchen. She saw the bottle in her hand and bit her lip. ::Are we celebrating or just getting shit faced?::

Eve poured herself a double shot and wrinkled her nose down at the glass of liquid as it sloshed in her hand. It smelled horrible, and even from the look of the label it was easy to tell that the boy had gotten the cheapest hard alcohol in the building and pocketed the rest for himself. Eve turned to Dana, the glass still in her hand, ::Shit faced,:: she said simply, downing the shot quickly before the taste made her gag.

::Mind if I join you?:: Dana asked stepping up beside her. ::I could stand to be a bit shit faced myself.::

Eve shrugged, ::Just so you know, it's probably the crappiest alcohol I've ever tasted. Be effing forewarned,:: she said, hopping onto the counter and taking another shot, ::But join in.::

Dana poured herself a shot and swallowed it whole. She winced. ::God, where'd you get this shit?::

::Liquor Bank. Some effing frat boy ripped me off. Bastard,:: Eve said, ::It's like battery acid.:: Eve sighed and poured herself another one. There was no point in getting drunk unless it was "Look at me, I'm passed out on the floor" drunk, ::Oh, and yeah, Mr. I'm a Heartless Bastard Motherfucker Named Gordo told me he'd talk to you later or something...:: Eve spat, pouring herself yet another shot.

::Did he?:: Dana asked non-chalantly as she poured herself another shot. She could tell Eve was upset, but she knew that once the alcohol started working that Eve would spill whatever it was that was on her mind. They were both like that. In fact, most of their heart to hearts had been over a bottle out on the old highway. She sighed. Or had been before her parents had divorced and her mom and moved her to effing Renton and met Mr. Can-I-see-you-naked-while-your-mom's-at work.

::Yeah,:: Eve said, gulping down yet another one. It was her seventh shot, and it would probably hit her in about fifteen minutes like a tidal wave.

Dana swallowed her fourth. ::Is it just me or has Mr. Bastard Motherfucker gotten to be really hot with his sulky ways and intense eyes?::

Eve shrugged, ::Hot. Very,:: she smirked, pouring herself another, ::Why do you think I hang out with him?::

::His personality?:: Dana said sniggering.::Who can resist the angry, jealous type? It's so damn sexy. Doesn't it just make you want to jump his bones?::

::I don't know, it's just... weird, sometimes. You know? He is damn hot, though. Such an angry emo boy,:: she smiled.

::What's your boy like?:: Dana asked leaning against the counter. ::Is he sexy like Gordo? Full of anger and surprises? Does he make your heart speed up when he enters the room?::

::Yes. And no,:: Eve said simply, swallowing down another shot. Six more and she'd end up passing out, ::Sexy. Very. But in that indie kind of way, you know? His hair sticks up and he always wears those plaid overshirts. He's not angry at all, actually, or at least he doesn't show it. The sweetest thing ever. And when he enters a room, it's just... I can't explain it. I start smiling and it's like everythings all right. And I sound like boy band lyrics.::

Dana snorted. ::You really do. Overshirts, really? I never thought that would be your type.::

::I didn't think so either. He isn't. I'd always pictured myself with some angry, pierced tattooed boy that wrote lyrics in a notebook and that'd take me on tour with his band. Not some rich kid who collects comic books and doesn't know who Sid Vicious is. Not at all. But he's just so... Spence. He makes me smile and he cracks jokes and he tried to impress me by knowing who Mest was in detention. I lied to him and said the lead singer's name was Trevor or something... he never answered because the bell rang,:: Eve was smiling now, but she quickly erased it from her mind. It was over. She poured herself another shot, ::You and Gordo would be cute.::

::Yeah, except he's in love with you:: Dana said shrugging. There was a moment of silence. ::So what happened? Why the need to get shit faced? You didn't see your mom, did you?::

Eve snorted, ::No, that was a couple days ago... Well, first Gordo was being a complete jerk when he saw Spence and I coming out of the bedroom... and then Spence found out his dad had a heart attack. We went to the hospital... and it's just that I've fucked everything up in their family. They used to be absolutely fine until I came along...:: Eve sighed and downed another shot, hoping the burn would distract her, ::Next time I see him I'm going to end it. I can't fuck another thing up, Dana.::

Dana froze, the shot glass halfway up to her mouth. ::What?::She couldn't believe what she was hearing. ::What the hell are you talking about Eve? You didnt' cause his dad to have a heart attack. He's probably one of those over wieght middle class guys who never work out and eats fast food and overworked himself trying to pay his second mortgage types. You had nothing to do with it. If their family is fucked up its because it was fucked up before you came along. You've only known this guy...what two weeks? There's no way you could have done that much damage in such a short amount of time.::

::You don't understand. I did. I did all of it. Spence and his dad don't talk anymore because he found out we had sex. Spence's sister hates me with an overwhelming passion so she stopped talking to him, either. I've made him skip school and lie to his friends and sneak out just to be with me. I've been so selfish when it comes to him, Dana. I'm like a huge wrecking ball that smashes down every relationship I come across.::

::Eve, listen to yourself! You are amazing, you are. But no one could *make* someone do those things. He chose to do those things. People make their own choices. Besides, you're not the only one that's been selfish. By the sounds of it you've lied to me and Gordo because of him, you snuck out to see him, you don't talk to Gordo anymore because of him. Did he make you do those things? Or did you just do them? There's nothing wrong with liking this guy. Nothing at all. There's nothing wrong with seeing him. Where's the harm in that. Just make sure you stay grounded. Who's going to be there in the end? Who's always there in the end?::

Eve pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes, gulping in great big breaths of air. The kitchen spun around her, ::No one,:: she mumbled, ::No one's there in the end.:: Part of her wanted Dana to hear it, part of her wanted to take it back.

::Eve,:: Dana whispered. ::Don't talk like that. You know we'll always be there for you. We'd do anything for you. We're like family, aren't we?::

Eve laughed, ::Because family so fucking dependable. Listen, Dana, I know you think everything's happy go lucky here, but it isn't, alright? Me and Gordo went through a lot the past year and he fucking stops talking to me because I'm not in love with him? Is that dependable? Don't you get it, Dana? You can't trust anyone without getting your heart crushed with a sledgehammer.::

Dana snorted, ::Happy? I haven't seen more miserable people in my life. You two love to make one another crazy. Face it. If there isn't something going on with you then life isn't worth living or something. I think you like all the drama. I think you like making yourself as miserable as you possibly can. You've always been like that. Everything is about you. I know you've been through alot. I know you've had it rough. That doesn't mean you have to hold on to it. That doesn't mean that you have to let it affect everything around you. Dammit, Eve, can't you see what's right in front of you? You know what pain is. You know what it's like to lose someone. You think you have to let this guy go because you've got some kind of disease or something and everything you touch turns to shit. Would you just try to see it from Gordo's point of view? He's been in love with you since before I even left. Anyone with eyes can see it. Except you. He's walked through fire for you, he's been the most stable thing in your life and you're ready to throw away your friendship over some guy? Give him time, he'll come back around, right now he's just tending to his wounds. You think it wasn't a slap in the face? You think he didn't feel like you were betraying him? You can't choose your family Eve. Sometimes you hate them, sometimes you want to kill them, but deep down there's always a part of you that can't help but love them. I don't know why, but that's the way it is.::

Eve stared at her, letting the words slam into her. She knew it was true, but she didn't want to accept it. She wordlessly took another shot and prayed she'd pass out so she wouldn't have to deal with this. When nothing happened but the burn of cheap vodka, she winced, ::I always knew you should be a psychologist,:: she said, trying to lighten up the tense silence in the room.

::Yeah, what can I say? It's a gift,:: Dana said feeling the room spin. She laid down on the cool tile of the kitchen floor. ::I'm going to have a hell of a hangover tomorrow.::

::I'm hoping I won't wake up tomorrow,:: Eve said, hopping down onto the floor and nearly falling over.
Dana giggled insanely at her unsteady friend. The phone rang and she made no move to get it.

::Should I get it?::

::I would, but my face seems to be glued to the floor::

::I will...:: Eve said, getting up, and stumbling over to the phone. ::'Lo?:: Eve slurred into the receiver.

::Eve?:: Spence asked.

::Yeah?::

::I just wanted to....sorry for not....look, I think we need to talk.:: Spence said curling the metal cord of the payphone around his finger. The hospital was unnaturally quiet at this time of night.

::Where? I'm... drunk, Spence,:: she slurred, trying to be sober.

::Oh,:: Spence said, trying not to sound disappointed. ::I can't leave...I guess it can wait until tomorrow.::

::I'll come there,:: Eve said. ::I'll be there in a little bit.::

::Eve, no!:: Spence said. ::Look, you're drunk. I'll talk to you tomorrow.::

::No... Spence, I want to see you. I'll call a cab or something.::

::Eve, I need you sober for this. I'll talk to you tomorrow. :: Spence took a deep breath, ::I love you.:: Then he hung up before she could say anything else.

Eve stared down at the phone before hanging it up herself. She pressed her fingertips to her eyelids, his image burning into them again. The call had sobered her up a little, ::Dana, I just really fucked up.::

::Mmmmm?:: Dana asked half asleep on the floor. ::Who was it?::

::...Spence,:: she picked up the phone and paused before dialing the number to the taxi company, ::Look, I need to go to the hospital. If you need to puke, puke in the toilet,:: she said as it rang, ::Hello? I need a taxi at Serviss Street Apartments. Uh huh. Yeah. I'll be outside. Thanks.::

Dana tried to make her self sit up. ::Eve, are you kidding? You can barely walk::

She hung up and wondered briefly if she should have listened to him as the room spun around her, ::Nope, I'm not. And I can too walk...:: Eve said, demonstrating as she stumbled into the couch, ::I'm fine. He needs me, okay? I'm not going to abandon him just because I had a couple sips of vodka.:: She grabbed her wallet and attached the chain to her belt loop at her hip, feeling very much like she was going to fall over and pass out. ::Be careful, okay?::

::A few sips? Eve, don't be stupid. You're going to pass out somewhere. Either wait until tomorrow or call someone to go with you. Call Gordo.::

::Gordo?:: Eve laughed and leaned against the wall to keep herself from falling over, ::Are you kidding?::

::If it's life or death, he'll take you. If it isn't, you don't need to go.::

::I'm taking a taxi. What's the worst that can happen?::

Eve felt sick as she looked over to the quarter-full vodka bottle. It had been completely full when they'd started. They had each drank a quarter of a handle or more.

::You pass out, you get mugged, you get killed, I have to find a new roommate.::

::See. Not that bad,:: Eve looked out the window as someone honked, ::They're here. Look, if you're that worried, come with me.::

Dana looked at her for a moment and then sighed as she got to her feet. ::Well, I guess if we both get killed I won't have to worry about the roommate problem.::

::Exactly,:: Eve smirked and hurriedly opened the door as the taxi honked again. She went down the stairs as fast as she could without falling face first.

Dana was a bit slower behind her, but somehow made it to the car. ::I can't believe he wants you to come down there. Couldn't he tell how wasted you are?::

Eve bit her lip, ::Barton Memorial,:: she said to the driver and closed Dana's door quickly, ::He didn't want me to come.::

::WHAT?:: Dana said so loudly the driver glanced at them in his rearview mirror. ::Then why are we dragging our drunk asses down there?::

::I could tell he wanted me there, he just... didn't want to say it,:: Eve said, crossing her arms and looking out the window.

Dana nodded and fought to keep her eyes open by pinching herself unmercifully. It was going to be a long night.

* * * * *

The one where Linda cries

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 02:20:50 GMT

  Spence opened his eyes to see Eve lying beside her. In her sleep she looked a lot more vulnerable than she ever allowed herself during her waking hours. He leaned over and kissed her forehead and smiled as she snuggled closer to him under the covers. He glanced around the small room and noticed the clock. 5:00 pm. He was going to have to be going soon. If he wasn't home for dinner he didn't know what his father would do. It was funny though. He wasn't really scared of his dad anymore. Not that he thought rules were made to be broken, necessarily, but rather that rules could be bent to your liking. And when you really thought about it, what was the worst thing that could happen?
  Eve was shaken awake by the mattress moving and slowly fought against the dull, gray, dusk light that filtered in through her curtains. She opened one eye, slowly, to see Spence gathering up his things. She sat up, tucking her hair behind her ears, and frowned, ::Don't leave...::
  ::I really should,:: Spence said sitting down on the bed and putting on his shoes. He nodded toward the door. ::Do you think Dana's still out there?::
  He was really wondering if Gordo was out there, but he didn't say it out loud.
  Eve scooted close to him, her skin prickling in the unheated apartment, ::Stay,:: she said, her mouth close to his ear and her arms circling around his ribcage, ::Tell your dad your working at that girl's house for your project or something.::
  ::Maria?:: Spence asked uncertainly. ::I don't know if she'll cover for me. She takes these sort of things really seriously--:: He trailed off as Eve did something he couldn't quite describe to his ear. Whatever it was, it made him feel dizzy. ::Okay, let me call her.::
   Eve smirked and sat back on the bed, grabbing some clothes from the floor, ::The phone's in the kitchen. I'll be out in a second.::
  Spence got up and peeked out the door. He didn't see anyone and he quietly made his way to the kitchen. He picked up the phone and began to dial.
::What are you doing here?::
Spence looked up to see Gordo glowering down at him, his arms crossed.
The phone was ringing.
::Using the phone,:: Spence said trying not to sound nervous before turning his back on Gordo.
   Eve zipped her hoodie up fully, the Movielife keychain hanging off the zipper clinking as she opened the door. She froze at the sight of Gordo standing close to Spence, a look of disgust on his face as he glanced over at her. She didn't say a word, only grabbed a glass and poured herself a glass of milk from the near-empty refrigerator.
  Gordo glared at Eve. ::You've been here the whole time, haven't you? In your bedroom?::

  Spence stuck his finger in his ear. ::Hello? Can I speak to Maria, please?::
  Eve glanced at him over the rim of her glass and shrugged. Spence's fingers were tangled in the phone cord and he was as far away from the two of them as it would allow, ::You know me. Always the whore.:: Eve said, coldly, and tried to find something that was still new enough to eat without the risk of food poisoning.
  Gordo stared at her a moment and shook his head. ::Tell Dana I'll talk to her later.:: He picked up his coat and left, slamming the door behind him.
  ::Fucking love you too,:: Eve said softly to the closed door. Seeing Gordo left an odd metallic taste at the back of her throat. ...Of course it could always be the milk. She decided on a piece of bread and hopped up onto the counter as it toasted.
  ::Hey, Maria. I was wondering if....yeah this is Spence....no, I haven't been home...what?....when did....what?....Are you sure? Where was Linda at when she called? Which hospital? Okay. Yeah, thanks Maria. Bye.::
Spence looked up at Eve, unable to speak.
  Eve stared at him, hopping down and moving close. ::What's wrong? What happened?:: she could see fear etched in his features.
  ::My dad...he had a heart attack...Linda's been looking for me all afternoon:: Spence said. He looked up at her blankly. ::Could you drive me?::
  Eve nodded, not knowing what to say. She moved to the door wordlessly, keys in hand. As she turned the knob, Eve glanced up to Spence's shocked face and entwined her fingers with his.
   Spence felt numb. His dad had had a heart attack? How could that be? Was he to blame? Was it because all that he was putting him through? Was he dying now because there was no one there to help him? Was he okay? Was he already dead?
  He watched the houses speed by in silence as Eve drove, forgetting she was even there.
   Eve didn't know what to do, or say, or if she should be silent and just let him think She drove as fast as she could through the residential streets, turning sharply onto the highway. The car was completely silent except for the dull roar of the engine. If she listened close enough, Eve could hear Spence's shallow, scared breaths.
  Spence stared out the window, not seeing anything. Eve coughed and his eyes traveled over to her. For the first time since they met he didn't see her either. Of course he saw her, but he didn't SEE her the way he had that day in detention. All he saw was a girl. A scared girl. This is why I wasn't there. Because of her? Because I couldn't say no? This is all my fault. He took a deep breath and winced at the way he felt his chest tighten.
  ::I'm sorry,:: she whispered, and she wasn't sure what she was apologizing for, but she knew she needed to say it. Her knuckles were white on the steering wheel as she put on her blinker and took the exit to Mangrove Street. The hospital was less than three minutes away.
  ::Sorry?:: Spence asked. Had she been speaking this whole time and he hadn't heard her?
  Eve nodded, her jaw set as she turned down another road, ::I'm sorry.::
  Spence shook his head. ::Don't apologize Eve. You didn't do anything wrong. I did.::
  ::You know that's not true. You would have left and gotten home and not found out over the phone. Hell, you wouldn't have even had to leave school if I hadn't fucking forced you into it...:: She passed the car in front of them, and she could see the hospital leering in the distance, sickeningly white. She nearly gagged when she saw it. She hated that hospital: she'd stayed with her father until the nurses made her leave when his respiratory monitor started to beep.
  She hoped to God she wouldn't have to go through that again.
  ::Eve, don't.:: Spence said, his voice tense. ::You didn't force me into anything. The last couple of days....I've been insane. I haven't been thinking about anything or anyone but myself. God, I screw everything up. I'm being punished. I just hope he's okay. I'll do anything to make it okay again.::

  She knew exactly what would make it all better again, and it made her want to stop the car and no let him go inside the hospital. She knew it was horrible and selfish, but she felt the urge to anyway. Eve knew what was going to happen, and it made her ache and her throat get tense. She pulled into the parking lot, taking the closest space. Spence'd been crazy ever since he met her.
  Eve ran to the automatic sliding doors with Spence, her keys clinking against her wrist as she held them. Looking at Spence made her want to curl her arms around his ankles and make him stop running like children do to their parents. Because she knew deep down that when he saw his father lying in a antibacterial scented bed, he'd stop loving her. Forever. Because she caused all of this.
  He would never forgive her.
   Spence ran up to the Nurse and asked for directions. He thought the elevator took forever to come down and was about to bolt for the stairs when the door finally opened. He rushed in and hit the button, almost shutting the doors on Eve. ::Sorry,:: he mumbled. He stepped out of the elevator and spotted Linda sitting outside a room. ::Linda!:: He yelled and she was instantly on her feet. Her make up was smeared from crying and her usually immaculate clothes were in disarray. She gathered Spence up into a hug and started crying again.
  ::Is he alright?:: Spence asked. ::Is he going to be okay?::
Linda pulled back. ::I think so. They said it was a really close call. They want to keep him here for a couple of days.::
Spence nodded and looked at the door. He was scared to go in.
  Eve stood at the end of the hallway, watching the siblings hug each other. Spence had Linda, he didn't need her. She turned on her heel with on last glance at his messy hair and his wrinkled plaid over shirt and his belt loop that didn't have the belt threaded through it. She thought about how it felt to kiss him as she pressed the elevator button.
  ::Go on::Linda whispered. ::He'd want to see you.::
Spence nodded. He looked down the hallway and saw Eve standing at the elevator doors. He felt torn between them. He didn't know what was right or wrong anymore. ::Linda, could you...::
::What?:: Linda asked.
Spence swallowed. ::Nothing.:: He needed time to think. He loved Eve, but thinking wasn't something he did well around her. He took a deep breath and entered the room.
  Eve stopped, looking around her. There was a small, darkened corner close to the water fountains. She gulped and walked down the hallway, sitting down and setting her chin on her knees. She thought about how hard she had fallen for Spence in so short a time, and it made her sick. She hated how she couldn't control her emotions. She closed her eyes against the florescent lighting of the hospital and tried not to remember sitting in the gray scratchy chair by her father's bedside alone. She tried not to remember how many bad memories this place had caused her.
  ::Linda could you...:: Spence had said looking like his heart was breaking.
::What?:: Linda asked following his gaze down the hall. There was that girl. So that's where he had been.
::Nothing.:: Spence said so softly she had barely heard him. She watched as he took a deep breath and stepped into the room. She turned back to the elevator and saw the girl sit near the water fountains. She made her way over to her.
::So he was with you?:: she asked in a voice dangerously low.
  Eve looked up to Linda through a shield of pink hair, ::We didn't know anything would happen.::
  Linda opened her mouth to snap something off. She didn't care. She didn't care. Her world was falling apart, again. She had to blame something, someone. And here was this girl. This girl who had caused all the problems between Spence and her dad. The look on the girl's face made her stop though. All her anger deflated. She slid to the floor and started crying.
  Eve's throat tightened as she watched Linda cry, not really knowing how to comfort her. The girl who threw looks across rooms like knives or teased her to her face or behind her back was sitting on the floor next to her crying. ::He's going to be alright...:: Eve said weakly, still hugging her knees, :;And then everything will be normal again. Exactly how it used to be before I came and fucked things up...:: Eve sighed and closed her eyes, ::God, I'm so sorry, Linda. I'm so so sorry.::
  Linda looked up at the girl. She shook her head. ::It's too late for that...::she searched her mind for the girl's name. ::Eve. Nothing will ever be the same. Why does this shit happen to us? I try and try and try to be perfect. To do what everyone wants from me and it isn't enough. It's never enough.:: Linda's voice broke and she buried her head in her hands. ::I tried to keep you out of our lives and it wasn't enough. He wouldn't listen to me, wouldn't listen to dad. This isn't about you, Eve. It's about us. Our family. Us.::
  Eve's eyes burned and she told herself it was from the bright light, but she knew it wasn't. Eve nodded, ::I know...:: she said softly. She felt like lying down on the cold tile and waiting for all the passers-by to trample over her. She felt like she needed to be punished, ::I --:: she started, but stopped. She didn't know what to say. She wanted to say that she loved Spence and that she was sorry. She wanted to tell Linda that at least she still had something to cling onto, that Eve didn't have anything but a hundred dollars a month from an aunt who knew nothing about her and a best friend who was no longer in the picture. She couldn't, though. She didn't want to make this about her, like she always did. ::I'm sorry.::
  Linda stared at the girl in front of her. She looked like she was about to cry. ::You really love him, don't you?:: Linda asked softly.
  Eve nodded, ::I do. More than I thought possible,:: she bit her lip and looked away to the tile beside her, ::Maybe you should get back. Spence probably needs you.::
  Linda nodded. She stood and after a moment of hesitation she held her hand out to Eve to help her up. ::Thanks for...listening.::
::If you tell anyone I talked to you, I'll deny it.:: Linda said, half joking.
  Eve took it, smiling, ::You're welcome. Tell Spence that -:: she paused, ::Tell him that I'm here for him if he needs me... please?:: She brushed off her hoodie and took a deep breath.
  ::I will,:: Linda said. She turned away from Eve and walked slowly back towards the room. She looked over her shoulder and saw a dejected looking Eve waiting for the elevator.

The one with mention of turkeys.

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 02:08:21 GMT

Eve looked at him, and she realized her breath was coming in short, rasping gasps. His hand was still on her arm and she squeezed her eyes shut tightly. Eve felt crazy again, and she hated it. She felt as though everyone felt sorry for her, as though everyone felt as though she were just a small child again and no one trusted her. She remembered waking up in the hospital with the psychiatrist’s white face glaring down at her and not remembering what had happened until she saw the bandages on her arm. ::You won't understand,:: she said simply, her voice shaking.

::Make me:: he said softly reaching up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

::Do you really want to know?:: she said, and her tone was harsh, her fists clenched so tight her nails bit at her palms.

::Yes,:: Spence said. She was scaring him, but he wasn't going to let her know that. He wanted to know all of her. Even if that meant being uncomfortable, he wanted to help her, take away her pain. He hated being on the outside.

::Fine.:: she said, and she smiled cruelly, knowing that this would scare him, and some dark part of her took joy in that. She knew that there was some possibility that he would leave her because of it, and she wanted that, in some way or another. ::Last year after my father's funeral, I climbed the stairs and slit my wrist. I fucking tried suicide, Spence, and I'm still angry at Gordo for finding me before I bled to death. Does that make you feel better, Spence? Is that what you fucking wanted to hear?::

Spence stared at her, his mouth dry. He wanted to hug her, to pull her close, but he knew she wouldn't let him. He didn't know what to say. He was tired of trying to be calm and collected for her. He wasn't that strong. He'd been trying for two years to hold his family together, to keep the peace...Eve had seemed an escape from that. She did what she did when she wanted. She hurt, but she didn't keep it all inside. She had hurt so badly that she had tried to end it it all. He shuddered at the thought of his life without her. He didn't know what to do, or to say to make it all okay. Why did everyone always expect him to make things better?

He swallowed his panic, ::It's the truth. I wanted to hear the truth:: He said softly, his hands lying limply at his sides. He wanted to touch her more than anything, but he knew right now she was untouchable.

::It is.:: she said softly, her tone still harsh, ::And it scares you.::

::A little, yes. Eve...I can't.....:: He stopped. ::I'm glad Gordo found you. I'm glad you got a second chance.::

::I'm not,:: she spat, her jaw set.

::You want to die?:: Spence asked unable to hide his surprise. ::Why?::

She paused, and her shoulders slumped as her tough exterior broke down, ::...I don't know...::

::Do you love me?:: Spence asked reaching out for her hand.

She swallowed and looked him in the eye, ::Yes. But sometimes it just gets so bad. And I tried to hide it from you, and...:: she trailed off.

::You don't have to hide anything from me. I'm not going to leave when things get hard. I know that's not the answer.::

::I -- I just hate being crazy...:: she said in a shaky voice and looked down at her arm. She curled up so her chin was on her knees and her arms were wrapped around her legs. ::I hate how I can just break down like that and give up... I hate how I have to take fucking pills everyday so I can feel normal... I'm sorry,:: she said as she looked up at him, ::I didn't mean to freak out like that.::

::You're not crazy,:: Spence said squeezing her hand. ::You're amazing.::

She squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face against the front of his shirt, ::What's your favorite memory?::

::It's cheesy....but once my family spent the summer at the beach. I remember what it was like holding each other's hands and being dragged out by the waves and then being brought back. I was only seven, but I felt invincible.::

She smiled against collarbone, her arms snaking around his ribcage. She didn't say anything, only let herself calm down as she pressed herself against Spence. She loved this boy, so badly it hurt her. She loved him because he smelled like boy and laundry detergent, because he blushed when he got embarrassed, because he still collected comic books. But most of all she loved him because he loved her. She realized that she had curled up against him, sitting partially in his lap, the sea of sheets tangled around them.

::What's your favorite memory?:: he asked stroking her hair.

::My father used to take me to the bookstore on Saturdays. I would never buy anything, just lay there on the floor in the children's corner until my eyes crossed and there were carpet imprints on my elbows. I don't know why, but it just used to make me so happy to disappear for a while, you know?::

::Yeah,:: Spence whispered. ::I know what you mean. Tell me about your dad.::

::He was genuinely a nice guy. Always smiling. He and I used to go off together and spend all afternoon at the park eating ice cream... I never figured out how he ever fell in love with my mom.:: Eve said, and hoped her sitting on his legs wasn't hurting him, ::Tell me about your mom.::

::She was always really busy with Linda's cheerleading, and my soccer games. She was the kind of mom you see in magazines and stuff....I thought she was perfect. She always knew what to say to make you feel better. I used to think our lives were a sitcom. Seriously, everything just came that easy. Sure, Linda and I fought, but who didn't? Compared to everyone else our family was ideal...and then....:: His voice wavered. ::I found out it wasn't.::

She pressed her cheek against the cotton of his shirt and she could feel his warmth seeping into her skin, ::I'm sorry, Spence...:: she whispered.

::It's okay:: He said. :You learn to get along without those people you thought would always be there. It hurts, but you do.::

She nodded and the room was nearly silent for a moment; the only sound piercing it was the sound of their breathing, ::I love you.::

::I love you too. And I never want to have to learn to get along without you.::

She didn't reply. Eve instead twisted herself around so their faces were close and she pressed her lips against his. Her hands tangled themselves in his fine hair, and she kissed him harder because that was her answer.

He lost himself in her kiss and ran his hands up and down her back, feeling the warmth of her, feeling the solidness of her body. Sometimes he had to convince himself she was real. He couldn't believe he could love someone so much.

Eve broke the kiss and took his shirt off, ::You know, that cast makes you look sexy...:: she said, smirking.

He laughed. ::It's my badge of honor:: He slid her shirt up and over her head.

Eve kissed his neck. He tasted like salt and snow from where it had melted on his skin. She found his mouth again and kissed him, pushing him so he was lying down, ::We're like rabbits,:: she said with a smile in her voice.

::There are worse things to be:: He said stroking her back.

::Except without the whole "sex for procreation only", because first of all that just sucks, and second of all... no babies. Babies are evil.:: she smirked down at him, tucking a loose strand of faded pink hair behind her ear, ::And yes there are. Like being... iguanas.::

Spence grinned at her. ::Iguanas aren't that bad::

::Or... turkeys.::

He grimaced. ::Okay, turkeys are bad. Could we hold off on this convo? It's hard for me to feel all sexy when we're talking about the lesser known procreators of the animal kingdom.::

::Oh, but it's such a turn-on...:: She said jokingly, smiling wide. ::Just like clown noses and pork gravy.::

::Stop!:: Spence said, tickling her.

She squirmed around, gasping for air, and when he stopped, she looked down and realized he'd shimmied her out of her jeans. ::Spence, when did you get to be so goddamn sneaky?:: Eve asked.

::I learned from the best:: he said winking at her.

::But of course,:: she said, and kissed him with a kiss that could have melted solid steel.

There was a knock at the door. ::Eve?:: Dana's voice filtered through the door.

::What should I do?:: Eve whispered to Spence, covering herself up with the sheet.

::Pretend you're not here:: He whispered with a smirk to her.: Maybe she'll go away::

Eve nodded. If she was with any other boy, she'd probably yell "I'm having sex!" at Dana, but with Spence it was different, so she kept her mouth shut and stared at the door. She only hoped she'd locked it.

::Eve?:: The doorknob twisted and then the shadow of feet at the bottom disappeared.

::Thank God...:: Eve whispered and smiled back over to Spence, ::You know, people have to start respecting our rabbit status...::

Spence laughed out loud, immediately putting a hand over his mouth to stifle the sound. ::Now where were we?:: he asked when he had finally regained his composure. Or as much comosure as he could have with a beautiful girl on top of him.

::I do believe I was kissing you while my hands were undoing the button on your jeans. I'm a wonderful multi-tasker...::

::That you are,:: Spence said pulling her down for a kiss. ::You’re so very talented.::

::I like to think so,:: she said, kissing him and trying to keep her hair from falling in their faces, ::Damn gravity,:: Eve mumbled, pushing it back and scrunching up her face.

He reached up and rand his fingers through her hair.

The one with the snow

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 01:04:15 GMT

Insert missing chat where Gordo confronts Eve in the cafeteria and asks her where she's been all night here.

::Out,:: she said simply, sipping her pink lemonade and avoiding Gordo's eyes. ::Why do you care?:: Eve said, yesterday's words still raw and hurtful as they replayed in her head.

::Eve, I do care. What if you had been hurt or in a wreck. Look, we're all the family we've got now. I know you think I'm against you, but I'm not.::

Eve snorted, ::And chewing my head off yesterday really proved that, didn't it? I've got to go... Make-up test in English.:: she lied quickly, screwing the top on her juice and standing up, ::See you later...::

::Eve, dammit,:: Gordo said grabbing her arm. ::Will you just sit down for a minute. I'm not sorry for what I said yesterday, it's the truth. You can't avoid me and Dana forever!::

Eve bit her lip and met his eyes briefly before sitting back down again, ::I know I can't, but, God...:: she sighed, ::You make me feel so horrible about everything I do and I can't take it. I'm sorry about Highway 32, okay? I was fucking drunk and you kissed me and I didn't stop it. But when you do things like what you did yesterday you practically invite me to avoid you...::

::If you'd listen to reason...Eve have you thought about this? Really, where is it headed? Can it go anywhere, or are you setting yourself up for a fall. Maybe that's all you know how to do. One of these days we're not going to be here to pick up the pieces. Who is? Him? He doesn't even know you.::

::I don't need a lecture right now, okay?:: Eve spat across the table, ::You're not superior to me, Gordo, so you can just step down from your damn pedestal and realize that I can think for myself... I know this may end badly. You have to realize that's a possibility for every relationship. What I don't get is why this one bothers you so much. You didn't lecture me about Ryan, did you? And he stepped on my heart when I found out about all the slutty poseur girls that "worshipped him" he'd slept with after concerts. He didn't know me. He didn't even care about me, and yet you think I'm worse off in this because Spence's dad makes more money than Ryan's dad did?::

::No, you're worse off in this because...::Gordo trailed off. ::Whatever. Forget it. I'm tired of fighting. If you want to go, go. I'm not going to stop you. I won't even tell you I told you so when it blows up in your face. Maybe then you'll realize that I'm not trying to hurt you, I'm trying to stop you from getting hurt. God, I love you Eve and if you think that I'd want to hurt you on purpose...well you don't know me as well as I thought you did.::
Eve sat there for a moment, staring at him, her jaw set with anger. ::See you later,:: she said softly, getting up and tossing her empty bottle in the trashcan as she pushed open the cafeteria doors.

* * * * *

Eve walked down the hall, pushing past groups of kids with her hands shoved in the kangaroo pocket of her hoodie. She opened up the main doors and shivered against the cold as she cleared off a space to sit on. She was freezing in jeans and a sweatshirt, but she didn't care. The snow traveled down, light and fluffy like powered sugar sifted from the clouds. Eve smiled up as it tickled her face, landing in her hair and eyelashes and making her look as if she had aged fifty years in a mere matter of minutes.

It was times like these when she'd dreamed of just getting into her car with nothing but a change of clothes and her wallet and just driving away. Drive until she would ache with tiredness and then she'd rent a hotel room and start over again the next morning. She dreamed of driving until she reached a city or town where she could start over again. A clean slate. And no one would have a clue who she was and what had happened before and it'd be perfect.

Eve scoffed and kicked at the ground with her combat boot-covered foot, sending up little flurries of snow. That would never happen, because there'd always be something that followed her. Something that called her back to this stupid screwed-up town and wouldn't ever leave her alone. And she knew she'd miss everything about it: from the old man that let her buy cigarettes without ID from the liquor store, to Highway 32, to feeling herself ache as she drove past the street where she grew up. And most importantly, she didn't know if she could live without the two most important people in her life: Gordo and Spence.

::Hey good looking,:: Spence said. He smiled as she looked up at him. ::What are you doing out here? Aren't you cold?::
::Just thinking...:: she said, and when he sat down she leaned against him and watched his breath freeze.

::Is everything okay? You look kind of sick.:: He asked wiping a snowflake off her cheek.

Eve wondered if she should tell him that she had gotten into a fight with Gordo in the cafeteria, but decided against it,

::Nothing, just tired...:: she said and buried her face in his neck to try and regain feeling in her nose.

Spence shivered. ::You're nose is cold:: he said, feeling extremely tired. The lack of sleep was catching up with him. ::Do you want to go inside?::

She pressed her lips against his neck so he could feel them move as she talked, ::What's your dream?:: she asked suddenly.

::Naughty dream, nice dream or Martin Luther King dream?:: Spence asked sleepily.

::Any,:: Eve said, and she found herself huddled against him. All she wanted to do was fall asleep with Spence. She wondered if she'd be able to hear his heartbeat through his snow jacket.

::Hmmm.....I don't know. I don't really need dreams as long as I have you. I used to want someone to love. Really love, not like the way my parents loved all fake and polite. Messy love, with passion and excitement and overpowering emotions. I guess there is a Santa Clause after all, huh?:: He kissed her on the forehead and rubbed her shoulders in an effort to warm her.

Eve didn't know why but she felt like crying. She wasn't sure whether they were happy or sad tears but she was so tired... She fought against them with all her might. ::Let's go to my house, Spence...:: she said, kissing his neck, ::We can sleep.::

He really shouldn't. He had missed school the day before and he was going to fail Algebra and Maria and Mark were going to kill him if he didn't help them with the presentation and...::Okay.::

Spence stood up and held out a hand to Eve.

Eve smiled and grabbed his hand. ::I thold you I was corrupting you. Next you'll be getting high with me before school...::
::How do you know I don't do that already?::
She smirked as she opened up her car door and climbed in, ::I'm so tired...:: she said, starting up the car engine and putting the heater on. Eve vigorously rubbed her hands up and down her arms, fighting back yawns.

::Me too,:: Spence said letting a huge yawn escape. ::We've got to work out a better *us* time.:: He rubbed his hands and blew into them. ::What is your dream?::

::I don't have one anymore,:: Eve said, as she drove quickly home, the prospect of a warm bed more welcoming than any other thought imaginable at the moment. ::My old one kind of fizzled out when I realized it would never happen.::

::What was it?:: Spence pressed as the streets went by.

She paused, ::To drive away and never even look back.::

::It's a dream for you, a nightmare for those you leave behind.::

::I know. That's why I couldn't do it,:: she said quietly as she turned down her street and parked by the sidewalk. She got out of the car and grabbed Spence's hand as they climbed the stairs.

::I'm glad you never left before now. I'd miss you, even if I didn't really know you.::

::I'm glad I didn't leave either..:: she said, and opened the door to her apartment. She ached with exhaustion as she hurridely took off her hoodie and her pants, standing there in only her underwear and a shirt. She smirked towards Spence when she felt his eyes on her and climbed into her bed.

Spence climbed into bed beside her and slid his arms around her. He shut his eyes as he smelled her hair, immediately feeling like he was home. Wherever Eve was, there was home.

:Eve:: Spence whispered. ::What's the matter?::

She didn't answer; just kissed him softly on the mouth. ::When girls get tired they either get bitchy or over-emotional. Currently, I am the latter:: she said with a smile in her voice, and rested her head on his chest.

He laughed. ::Oh is that it? As long as I didn't do anything.::

She had her hand up his shirt and was tracing lazy, tired circles with her fingertips on his stomach, ::I love you,:: she said.

::I love you too:: He said back. taking her hand in his and intertwining them.

The one where Spence sneaks out...the front door.

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 00:55:44 GMT

::Cameron Spencer, I have never been more disappointed with you in my entire life,:: Mr. Spencer paced back and forth, his shoes making sharp noises on the wooden floor. He hadn't even bothered to take off his shoes, a rule established ever since they'd moved in.

::I'm sorry dad,:: he said, but he didn't feel it. He just said it to appease his father. ::

::Don't even try to snake out with an apology,:: He said, his tone stern as he turned to look at his son, ::How dare you disobey me on so many counts. I've lost all respect for you... You keep seeing that girl even though I forbid it, and then...:: he shook his head and squinted his eyes shut against the thought, ::...then you participate in sexual escapades! Under my roof! And I pray that it was safe, because I don't need that floozy to come around grubbing for money, or God forbid, child support...::

Spence snorted. Sexual Escapades? It sounded like an ice skating show. His smile faded when his dad called Eve a floozy. ::She's not a floozy, dad. And money is the last thing she wants. You don't know her.::

He stared at his son, half in shock, half in anger; his mouth was set in a cruel line. ::You're right. I don't know her. And neither do you... And don't expect to learn anymore about her because you will never, ever see her again. Not at school, not at the mall, not in your bedroom... Nowhere. You understand?::

::No...I don’t' understand. What's so wrong with me having someone who makes me feel good in my life? Why do you act like she's less than us. It's just money, dad. It doesn't make her any less or us any better. I understand that you're disappointed in me. I did go behind your back. I'm sorry about that. But I'm not going to stop seeing her. She makes me feel like I'm alive...and that's a whole of a hell more than what you and Linda do. I swear this house has been like living in a museum ever since she left. You two are so busy pretending everything's fine that you can't see that things are not fine. They haven't been fine in a really long time and I'm tired of pretending like they are.::

His father stared at him, wondering when his son had grown up. When he'd gotten his own voice to speak his opinions; when he'd gotten his own mind to decide what he was going to do. He'd grown up: all brown, messy hair; lanky tallness; strong jaw; brown eyes. Cameron reminded him of himself when he was in high school, and he wondered when he'd stopped being like his son and started being so bitter. He almost snorted out loud: of course, it had been when she left. Everything fell apart. He didn't want his son to know he was right. He'd always been the father, the "alpha male" per say, and he was going to stay that way. ::Go to your room. You're grounded for three months. Your sister is to watch over you at school, and she will, under my orders, never let you even glimpse at that sad excuse for a teenage girl.::

::I'll go to my room. I'm not going to stop seeing her, though,:: Spence said getting up and walking to the door. ::And I'm not going to pretend that we're a happy little family, because we aren't. God, ask Linda. Do you really think she's a virgin? Is it any better because she does it with a guy from the right side of town? Does she get away without being punished because she can lie to you better? Because she's better at hiding what's really going on? Maybe I was stupid, maybe I rushed things, but at least you know. I'm not going to be ashamed about it anymore. And I'm not going to lie. And I'm not going to stop seeing her just because you don't think it's best.::

He watched his child climb the stairs, and fell into his favorite armchair with sickening realization that he didn't have control over them anymore.

Linda slammed the door open and stood in Spence's doorway staring at him. ::What the hell did you do? You told dad about me and Mark?!::

Spence winced. ::It just came out.::
::It's not bad enough you're trying to ruin our reputation by sleeping with a punk rock slut, but you have to ruin my social life too?::

::First of all....you're the one with the reputation...and I hate to tell you this...It's not good, Linda. Secondly, she's not a slut. So just shut up::
::Why are you trying to tear everything apart? Everyone's always trying to ruin everything for me.::

Spence sighed. ::Stop being a drama queen. You know...sometimes there's no one else to blame but yourself.::

::Like when?:: Linda asked crossing her arms. ::Look, just stay out of my love life.::

::You stay out of mine.::

::Fine,:: she said walking out the door.

::Fine!:: he yelled after her, getting up and shutting the door. He sighed and collapsed into bed. God, she was dense sometimes.

* * * * *

Eve drove up to Spence's house with her headlights turned off, making sure to park a couple houses down the road to prevent another rendition of this morning's events. She shivered and pulled her Warped Tour sweatshirt tighter around herself, hoping that Spence's dad hadn't put bars over his bedroom window. Though, she wouldn't put it past him.

::Spence!:: she said, in a stage-whisper volume as she tossed a pebble at his window panes.

A moment later he poked his head out the window. ::Eve?:: He asked a cross between a smirk and a frown on his face. ::What are you doing here?::

::Come down. You shall learn the wonders of sneaking out, Archie Boy,:: she said, smirking. Just seeing him made her forget all of Gordo's words. She didn't care.

Spence bit his lip as he briefly thought it over. He nodded. ::Okay, but I'm taking the stairs this time.::

She smiled as she watching him shut the window and turn off his light.

Two minutes later Spence came out of the back door. He grinned at her. ::I've missed you::

He crossed the lawn to meet her, and she saw his eyes briefly scan his house once more. Worry was etched into his feature, ::Same here,:: she said, and she grabbed his shirt and pulled him towards her, kissing him hard on the mouth.

He kissed her back, trying to ignore the awkwardness of his cast as he tried to put his arms around her. ::Where are we going?::

She ignored his question and looked up to him with sad eyes as she touched his cast with careful fingertips, ::Is your arm okay?::

::Fine,:: he said smiling at her. ::So much for playing the hero::

::I'm so sorry about my stupid car...:: She whispered,:: God, I was so scared when you fell...:: She kissed the corner of his lips.

::You were scared...:: He said. ::I was scared. It's okay, though. Really. I just want to be with you.::

She grabbed his hand and led him to her car, ::We can't go back to my place because I don't know when my roommate’s coming back...:: Eve said as she buckled her seatbelt, ::Do you mind if we just drive someplace and stay in the car?::

::That sounds good to me:: Spence said. ::I just want to get away for a while, you know?::

Eve smiled and she drove the familiar route to Hwy. 32. She parked in a spot where there weren't any trees to obscure the vision of the softly winking city below. ::This okay?:: She asked as she put on the parking brake and looked over to the passenger's seat.

::This is perfect,:: Spence said smiling at her. He looked over the city for a moment before speaking again: Tell me about your roommate::

::Dana's crazy,:: she smirked, ::Funny as hell, energetic, and can drink me under the table. I missed her a lot, but...:: she bit her lip, ::She came back expecting everything to be the same... you know? It's not... she doesn't really know what's happened in the past year.::

::A lot can happen in a year.:: Spence said softly.

::Yeah,:: she fought away all thoughts about the past year and returned her attention back to the boy who was sitting a foot away from her, ::Has your dad given you 'The Talk' or anything?:: she asked, biting her lip. She wanted to know the damage she'd done.

::Shouldn't you have asked me that yesterday before you just assumed I knew how to have sex?:: he asked grinning at her.